Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Help! Dating Is Hard!!!
My dating life seems to be cursed and I don't know why.
Case in point - I just saw a guy I went out on a few dates with 2 months ago from Trader Joe's - now on OK Cupid looking for casual sex. Yeah.
He came up to me 2 months ago in a Trader Joe's parking lot, after having smiled at me inside the store in the produce section (no joke)!
As I was putting my shopping cart away near my car, he came up to me and said, "I'm the guy from Trader Joe's and I find you very attractive. Can I get your number?"
Now, normally I don't just give my number willy-nilly to random guys in Trader Joe's parking lots (especially ones that follow me to my car). But he seemed nice enough. He was a bit short and didn't seem like a serial killer or anything. So, I asked him a few questions, ya know, to make sure he wasn't really on the FBI's "Most Wanted" list or something. He seemed fine so I gave him my digits.
We went out a few times and he just seemed SO into me.
"How flattering," I though to myself. After all, it's one thing to meet a guy online or in a bar...but being approached in a grocery store (or outside of one) - isn't that every girl's fantasy? "Just meet a single guy in the produce section of a grocery store," they say. Don't they?
Early on, I sent him a facebook friends request. He never accepted it. "Maybe he doesn't check facebook that often or live on there like I do," I thought to myself.
But when I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks, I figured he'd moved on. Fine. But I asked him how LA was when I was out of town and he says, "I don't know...I'm not there."
"Where are you?" I asked.
"In France," he replies.
FRANCE???!!!!??? WTF is he doing in France? That's not exactly a weekend getaway from Los Angeles.
Then I remembered he had an ex girlfriend of 7 years who was French. So I replied, "Oh, off visiting the ex in Paris, are we?"
And he replies, "Yeah, something like that."
Well, after a few more emails back and forth I find out, he's not just in France on vacation. Or visiting his ex. He has a BABY with his ex that lives in France and he's there visiting his son! For 6 weeks. Ok, no biggie, but WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME YOU HAD A BABY WITH YOUR FRENCH EX-GIRLFRIEND AND THAT THEY BOTH LIVE IN FRANCE?!!??
***
Ok, maybe I'm guilty. Of giving guys the benefit of the doubt. But, I seem to attract this type of "man" a lot.
The homeless guy on the corner who asks for your number?
You say no.
The really drunk guy at the bar who tells you he's slept with hundreds of women - in that very bar's bathroom?
You say no.
But at some point, you have to say yes to *someone* right?
Otherwise, you'll be single forever.
So, I took a chance on "Trader Joe's guy."
And we went out a few times and then I had to go out of town. For awhile. I was sure I was moving out of state and he was SO SAD! He texted me incessantly while I was still in town - for days and weeks. He kept texting me after I left!?! He told me how before I left he "really wanted things to work out."
Flash forward a couple months.
Sure, we aren't "together" or anything.
But I just saw him on OkCupid....and his ad is just "sex sex sex" and that section where it says, "What are you looking for?" he answers, "casual sex." Not "for new friends" AND "casual sex" or "short-term dating" or "long-term dating" AND "casual sex" or even any combination of those things....just casual sex.
Five minutes after I see this ad, he texts me...and says that he just saw me online.
I text him back, saying, "Yeah, how's that CASUAL SEX ad working out for ya?"
No response...
You know. I'm an atheist. But this latest dating catastrophe just reminds me that:
1. There probably is a God.
2. He's F*cking with me.
***
So, what's the solution to this dating problem?
Don't go out with guys you meet in Trader Joe's?
No, that can't be right.
It's not a big deal that he's on OkCupid. Or that he's looking for "casual sex." Or that he's on Ok Cupid looking for casual sex.
What always gets me is the lengths a guy will go to to pretend he's "the one" or "really serious about you" when he's really just a player or a jerk - but thank goodness for the Internet because on OkCupid, at least his TRUE intentions are out there, in plain sight.
***
I swear, these days, I meet better quality guys in a bar than online.
Online seems to now be a way for guys to scam on as many women as they can.
Why sit in a bar, nursing a beer, hoping for a cute, single woman to walk in when you can spend 10 minutes online and spam, I mean, email dozens of women in one swoop!
***
Just a few days ago I was texting with another guy I met on OKCupid. He was cute, French and a tech guy!!!?? and as soon as I mentioned my love of "Star Wars" he freaked out! He said he liked my name and was so impressed that I was a geek too!
Where do I die and go to heaven?
We were only texting for a few days but all was good.
Then, one text chat at one in the afternoon, he asked me where I worked?
I replied, "sometimes from the dining room table," and he made a sex joke, saying, "Are we still talking about work here? ;)"
"Ok, a bit inappropriate but perfectly harmless," I thought to myself.
Well, later that night I checked my OkCupid account and saw his profile wasn't there anymore!!?
"That's odd," I thought to myself. "He was just on here yesterday."
I texted him and asked, "What happened to your profile?"
He replied, "Oh, I took it down. I wanted to focus on getting to know you!"
"Awww, how sweet," I though to myself. "But really, I want to know," I asked him, "why did you take down your ad?" since I wasn't born yesterday.
"I was getting too many emails," came his reply. "Like 300 a week."
"No way!" I thought. No one gets 300 emails a week, especially not guys! "Maybe this is why I'm single, though," I thought. "Maybe guys really DO get a lot of emails!"
More emails were exchanged and I just realized he was a player and a jerk and probably got himself kicked off OkCupid. I'm no dummie...no one deletes their online dating profile until they get serious with someone...or engaged!
***
Maybe I'm not seeing the signs here.
After all, a guy who approaches you in a parking lot and tells you he finds you "very attractive" isn't really looking for a long-term relationship, right?
But man, I swear, these lame-o guys seem to flock to me like I'm a tall glass of water in the desert.
I give up.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
How ya been?
Then I remembered, "Wait, I have a blog."
I read through some of my older posts. Yikes. What a mess these past few years have been.
And I don't mean to come across as "Debbie Downer" or anything.
I met someone recently who said, "Happiness is all about managing expectations. If you have your mom, sister and 2-7 people in your life who matter/care, that's really all you need."
That is very wise and very true.
But I don't have any close family nearby and I'm an only child so that kinda rules out the "mom and sister" stuff and leaves friends.
But in Los Angeles, I don't really have friends.
I have acquaintances. And even those people, while cool, mainly care about themselves. That's not complaining - it's just reality.
I should stop complaining and just realize that life is the way it is. No amount of complaining is going to change that.
Luckily, I've met some super cool people over the past few months. They are real and invite me to hang out all the time and legitimately seem to care about me and what's going on in my life. You know. True friends and friendship.
You don't need a lot of people to make your life better.
Sometimes all you need is one.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
It's been a while
I forget who is even following this blog?
Anyhow, is it just me or is the economy still getting worse?
Anyhow, life in LA continues to be rather bi-polar, like my ex boyfriend.
One day it's all nice and rosy.
The next day it feels like solitary confinement.
People here really are completely selfish and self-absorbed. I think that's the root of my unhappiness. But tell me if these things would annoy you too?
I have a friend that hasn't worked in two and a half years. And despite my trying to help them find a job, all they do is go to meetup groups. They don't even spend their time being an awesome friend to me or doing volunteer work or anything. I just don't get it.
True, the economy is bad and no one wants to work for minimum wage but this friend quit a job that was paying almost $20 an hour because it was "beneath" them. And while I try to be supportive, having someone like that in my life just is infuriating. They are also flakey and while well-meaning, it just amazes me.
If I didn't work for two years, I would get SOME job, any job, even if it meant working at the mall or retail for minimum wage because I'd be so BORED otherwise.
But people here are really weird and even if you go to school for 6 months, that's still 2 years of not bringing in one penny of income. I can't imagine that!
***
When you're down, people here will try to "be a friend" by taking you out to a nice dinner or distracting you by, guess what, talking about themself. Do they ever sit you down and have a REAL conversation? Ask how you're doing and CARE about the answer?
No!
And I think that is really fucked up.
My friend said I should go see a therapist.
Wow, I should pay money for therapy because people in LA, including family, are shitty?
Maybe THEY should go to therapy and figure out why they can't have a real conversation or show up on time instead of 1.5 hours late, if at all, when we are supposed to get together.
Everyone here wants to legalize pot but if anything, we shouldn't because we have enough flakey potheads as it is and they certainly don't need encouragement.
People on the east coast may drink a lot and drinking and driving, of course, is no joke....but at least the alcoholics I know aren't totally flakes and have good jobs and their shit together.
***
People encourage me to move.
As if it's so easy to move in this recession.
It's not like they are handing out jobs left and right.
Moving isn't so hard.
But what people don't understand is that I've worked for almost 15 years to build up a name for myself in this crazy entertainment industry.
Giving that all up is not something you can or should take lightly.
***
I can't stand the weather on the east coast but I miss the normal people there. The New Yorkers with the harder than stone exterior shell who, once you crack it, become your best friends ever.
While there are a LOT of amazing people in Los Angeles, it's a really hard city to live in without any family to support you or friends that aren't selfish.
Oh well.
What does it say that when I really got so frustrated yesterday and wanted help, the two people I thought of first are in NY and FL?
And they wrote me back within SECONDS to lend a hand and say that if I wanted to move, they would help me out any way they could.
Sad that I didn't think of ONE person in LA to call who would do the same.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Kinda A Strange Thursday
Friday, January 27, 2012
The "musical chairs" of the job market
Friday, July 8, 2011
Hell hath no fury
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Something positive about LA
I realize I slam Los Angeles a lot. And I feel bad for that. Well, not really, but sometimes. But I'm not crazy. I'm not living in this god awful place just to torture myself. In fact, Los Angeles does have a lot of redeeming qualities that I probably don't talk about enough because I'm so busy being frustrated by the traffic and driving and parking and people.
But let's face it, today is yet another gorgeous and perfect day here in this fair city. And while some may say it's superficial to care about or live in a place solely for the weather (and maybe it is) the weather is pretty important. I mean, the weather affects your life EVERY DAY! If you live in a city or state that's really cold half the year - and really humid the other part of the year (see: most of the United States) then doing anything simple like grocery shopping or getting gas for your car is a production. Ugh. If it rains, you can't do almost anything outside. And that's not a bad thing. But in Los Angeles, we are incredibly spoiled by the gorgeous weather that we can hike, bike, run, walk, rollerblade, play tennis, surf almost any day of the year. That makes for a generally happy population that is outside and exercising and eating heathily.
What else? There are about ten million different kinds of restaurants. Most people I've met in LA are pretty open-minded about food (except for my ex Todd - hi Todd!) and sushi is a regular fave. Not only do we have sushi but we have some of the best sushi in the world and at reasonable prices. Just the other day my guy and I found a good, cheap sushi spot right on Sawtelle. Sushi for 2 for <$30 and it was good? Wow! Where else can you find that?
Of course, there's the beach and if you're ever feeling blue, all you need to do is go for a walk along the beach. You can do this 365 days a year and if you ski, you can do that most every day of the winter.
We have farmer's markets on almost every block on almost every day of the week. I've never eaten so well as when I've lived in California - no more soda for me it's all water and iced tea and green tea and fresh fruits and veggies year round.
The shopping is insane. I remember growing up in Connecticut where there was only one decent mall within a 45 minute drive. Now I go back home and go to that mall and laugh at how small it is. Within 45 minutes of where I live in LA there must be 8-10 large malls or shopping centers. We have better clothes and more of a selection or everything from frozen yogurt to drug stores to you name it than anywhere I've ever seen except maybe Manhattan.
And yes, I complain all the time about the selfish and self-absorbed people that LA attracts and sometimes nurtures. But you know what? You don't have to hang out with those people. I've learned to cut out selfish and weird people from my life. And while that may mean being alone more than I like, it's a LOT better than being around people who only think about themselves.
And there are some AMAZING people here. I've made some truly great, supportive, caring and wonderful friends. It's just hard to see them these days because they may live further out of the city now, be in a relationship, be married and/or have a kid (or 2 or 3). But they are still there. Being caring and supportive over the phone or email or facebook.
So yeah, LA is a crazy place. It used to be wonderful 95% of the time and maybe now it's 50% or 60% or 75% (or 2% depending on what day you ask me) and I suppose a lot of the things I love about it are superficial. And superficial things will not make you happy in the long run.
But you can make changes in your life and meet new people and join new organizations. Join a new gym or find new meetup groups or join a church or do something to meet better people because if it's one thing LA does well, is bring new people to the city every day.
Perhaps the most positive thing about LA is that people come here from all over the country (and world) to pursue their dream. Now while that may attract a fair number of delusional and insane people, it also attracts some incredibly ambitious, smart, hard-working, passionate people. And I always thought it was crazy to work some boring 9 to 6 job in a grey cubicle or office pushing papers around doing nothing of any note for the better part of one's life. No, people in Los Angeles wanted something better for their life. They didn't want a normal, mundane existence working in finance or law or accounting. They wanted to do something fun or something they are passionate about every day. Something creative. Something different. And, and the end of the day, no matter how bad things get here in this city, that's something I will always admire and respect about Angelinos. No one will ever call us boring.