So I had a rather tough dialogue with a friend yesterday.
She was all upset that I wasn't attending her birthday party.
And you know, I understand that birthdays are SUPER important to some people, especially women. I always figure the friends that make it a point to attend my birthday party are friends that think their birthdays are important (most of the time) so I do my best to attend theirs.
However, it was shocking to me that someone I never talk to on the phone or email about deeply personal things (as you do with really close friends) would be so upset with me. Because I was an awesome friend to her (helping her with job leads when she was out of work, lending a cheerful and encouraging ear when she was out of work, giving her lots of dating advice) would have the audacity to call me out and be "hurt and offended" simply because I wasn't going to her birthday party, even though I offered to take her out some other time and even though I know none of her friends and her birthday party isn't even just hers but with another friend she has that I don't know, and despite the fact that I hate karaoke with a passion.
So it begs the question - are you obligated to go to someone's birthday party just because they are your friend?
I think for close friends, absolutely, at least if their birthday is important to them.
But for someone you barely know? I think not.
The issue really was that while I was a great friend to her, I don't think I got the same back from her. It's nothing against her, just that I feel like I gave a LOT to her in our friendship and didn't really get much back. So to me, that entitles me to be perhaps a bit selfish, and beg out of some big dinner where I won't know a soul and karaoke, that I absolutely hate. Listen, I listen to enough bad music for a living - the last thing I want to do for "fun" is listen to more bad singing ...and to pay for the privilege.
Anyhow, sadly, that friendship has come to an end.
And it makes me wonder if I need to be a bit more selective/selfish when it comes to my friendships.
Because I was such a good friend, I am expected to do EVERYTHING right and perfectly, even when it's something I simply don't want to do.
That hardly seems fair.
Oh well.
I'm sure there are more sane and stable women in LA that I can make friends with.
She was all upset that I wasn't attending her birthday party.
And you know, I understand that birthdays are SUPER important to some people, especially women. I always figure the friends that make it a point to attend my birthday party are friends that think their birthdays are important (most of the time) so I do my best to attend theirs.
However, it was shocking to me that someone I never talk to on the phone or email about deeply personal things (as you do with really close friends) would be so upset with me. Because I was an awesome friend to her (helping her with job leads when she was out of work, lending a cheerful and encouraging ear when she was out of work, giving her lots of dating advice) would have the audacity to call me out and be "hurt and offended" simply because I wasn't going to her birthday party, even though I offered to take her out some other time and even though I know none of her friends and her birthday party isn't even just hers but with another friend she has that I don't know, and despite the fact that I hate karaoke with a passion.
So it begs the question - are you obligated to go to someone's birthday party just because they are your friend?
I think for close friends, absolutely, at least if their birthday is important to them.
But for someone you barely know? I think not.
The issue really was that while I was a great friend to her, I don't think I got the same back from her. It's nothing against her, just that I feel like I gave a LOT to her in our friendship and didn't really get much back. So to me, that entitles me to be perhaps a bit selfish, and beg out of some big dinner where I won't know a soul and karaoke, that I absolutely hate. Listen, I listen to enough bad music for a living - the last thing I want to do for "fun" is listen to more bad singing ...and to pay for the privilege.
Anyhow, sadly, that friendship has come to an end.
And it makes me wonder if I need to be a bit more selective/selfish when it comes to my friendships.
Because I was such a good friend, I am expected to do EVERYTHING right and perfectly, even when it's something I simply don't want to do.
That hardly seems fair.
Oh well.
I'm sure there are more sane and stable women in LA that I can make friends with.
