Monday, October 11, 2010

For my east coast friends - My crazy LA friends

I'm in a bad mood so I thought I'd recap all my crazy experiences with friends I've had in LA. Oops I mean "friends".

So as to protect the guilty, I've changed their names.

Leslie - Let' see I met Leslie at some singles mixer. She seemed cool at first. We were both single and griping about how hard it is to find a decent guy in LA so we decided go hang out and try to meet guys together. She was a sweet girl but got married when she was 18 or something (and divorced at age 30) so she literally didn't know how to do ANYTHING for herself as she'd been a "kept woman" for 10+ years and missed out entirely on her 20s. We went "bar hopping" one night and she didn't like the first place. Fine. So we left. Then she didn't like the 2nd place. I mean, these were nice bars in Santa Monica, not dives we were going to. Anyhow, after heading to our 3rd spot, I was over it. It was like being friends with an infant because she didn't know how to do *anything* for herself because her husband has always taken care of her. She had a roommate who didn't pay the rent for a month or two and she had no idea what to do. She "spotted them" and asked me after the fact if I thought they'd pay her back. Umm, no.... I mean, who does that? Even at age 18 I'd have known that was dumb. Anyhow, the icing on the cake was when we went out one day and she commented I should be wearing a bra with my tank top. Now, sure, in retrospect, that was probably good advice but I didn't think I looked particularly slutty. It's hot out and besides, people shouldn't be looking so closely at my shirt to see if my nipples are poking out. Anyhow, it wasn't what she said but the way she said it. Very bitchy and controlling like. Bye bye.

Jessica - Jessica was a good friend for a while. We met through work years and years ago. Only problem was, she had some health issues, including major depression. Ok, not her fault, right? Of course not. But I'm sorry, if you're clinically depressed, drinking does not help it! I deliberately don't drink because even one cocktail can make me sad and mopey for days. She would always drink when we went out and even though it was only a glass or two of wine, I couldn't help but wonder if she'd be a bit less "depressed" if she stopped drinking. She also made ZERO effort to exercise. And yes, I know, if you're clinically depressed, exercise and cutting out alcohol won't cure you. You need meds. I get it. But the meds didn't even work. I just don't have any sympathy for people who don't at least try to help themselves. If you work out AND give up drinking and then still are depressed, fine, but at least TRY something. Sadly, it was too much to handle because she also flaked on 75% of the things we were supposed to do together.

Mary - Mary also suffered from depression. I can't figure out if people who are depressed move to Los Angeles because of the eternal sunshine. Or if living in an old, dingy apartment with a view of another building and no natural sunlight, surrounded by concrete everywhere and no trees makes people here depressed? Maybe it's a combo of the two. Anyhow, Mary was a talker (and a drinker) which is fine. I listened to her mindless ramblings for years because she was pretty and fun to hang out with and amusing much of the time. She literally talked 95% of the time we were together. When I hit a rough patch, she didn't act like a normal person by saying "what's wrong" but went on and on about herself EVEN MORE! When I stopped her, saying, "Hey, I'm going through some serious shit here - I need you to shut up and listen (for a change) and be a friend" she just couldn't do it. She said her endless talking would "distract me" from my problems and that we all "have problems" so why should she stop talking about hers just because I'm having a rough patch? Seriously? Yes, I agree, we all have problems but that does not give you the right to dominate 95% of our conversations and then REFUSE to talk about me when I need a friend! She went so far as to lie and say she'd offered to talk to me but I wouldn't answer her questions. Out and out lies! I stopped talking to her after that and cut her out of my life for good. Did I mention she was also "depressed" and on meds that didn't really work? Hmmm.

Britney - Let's see. Britney was first. She was always happy, chipper and upbeat. However, as I got to know her better, I realized that her pleasant demeanor was about as real as a Stepford Wife. She probably had a mother than always put on a "happy" face, even when times were bad, and that was likely transferred to her. Anyhow, we were good friends for a while. She always would be up for trying a new restaurant or doing something new. She never said "no" but "sure, let's try it" which I found to be a refreshingly fun and good attitude to have in a city full of depressing "no" saying peeps. Anyhow, things were fine until we went to Vegas. She had some mild reaction to the food we had at dinner. Nothing major - just an upset stomach because *she* waited too long between meals to eat!? Totally HER fault, not mine nor the restaurant's. Anyhow, she locked herself in our hotel bathroom for 20 minutes, like an 8 year old might do. I had no idea what was going on - she was upset and pouting - not in there because she was sick to her stomach. Anyhow, come to find out, she's livid at *me?!?* because I'm not consoling!?! her more because her tummy hurt. She's over 30 years old - what am I, her mom? She wasn't even that sick...just a minor tummy ache. Anyhow, we got in a HUGE fight about it as we had both planned and wanted to go out that night and now we couldn't. I wasn't really *that* upset...disappointed, sure, I mean, who wouldn't be as it was our only Saturday night out in Vegas! But she projected that *I* was REALLY mad at *her* for getting sick (which I wasn't) and had a tantrum and went to bed. Needless to say, that was one of the last times I hung out with her. Because after that, she invited me out to dinner, then flaked the same day on me, 3 TIMES IN A ROW!!! She even had the nerve to admit that she was just going to go out to dinner with her boyfriend instead?!? I wrote her a "kiss off" email and said I didn't need flakey, rude people in my life.

Ashley - Ashley was the closest thing I've ever had to a "best friend" in my entire life. We were such good friends for 8+ years that we even went on vacations together - San Diego, New York and the Caribbean. She was always a great friend, an even better listener and fun to boot. Then, one day, she met a guy. Oh, she always had a boyfriend of some sort. But that didn't stop us from being close, good friends and being on the phone for hours and hours at a time. Then she met "him." He was a new kind of guy. Much more controlling than any of her previous boyfriends. I'd run into them at our gym and he'd come over and criticize my work out technique, complaining that I wasn't even "breaking a sweat." Umm, yeah, I'm a girl and I barely sweat even when I do work out really hard. Anyhow, he was mean and bossy and would treat her badly. As time went on, our phone calls became shorter and shorter. One day, we'd been on the phone for all of 5 minutes when he came home and she suddenly "had to go" because he'd walked in the door. What, you can't be on the phone when your boyfriend comes home?? Anyhow, after blowing me off slowly for years, she then suddenly became all chummy again as her wedding date neared and she wanted me to be in her wedding. We were such good friends - I was convinced that she'd ask me to be her maid of honor. She only had 1 sister but they often fought. Anyhow, I was a shoe-in. Or so I thought. She choose her sister, ok, fine, understood as they may fight but they are family. But when she suddenly called me last minute and expected I would drop everything in the middle of a weekday to go downtown with her to look at dresses, I was livid. I'm self-employed, so yes, I can make my own schedule, but not when you call me up last minute and give me NO notice and want me to go spend an afternoon dress shopping with you. Maybe 24 hours notice and I could have but every minute I'm not at work, I'm not earning money - something people with corporate jobs fail to understand. When you work for yourself, you have to work 10 times harder than when you work for 'the man' because you're responsible for every penny you bring in (or don't bring in). Anyhow, I backed out of her wedding and she was pissed but after expecting me to suddenly be her best friend again when she'd been MIA from my life for months if not years, I'd had enough. We haven't spoken since and I'm sure she's still married to that asshole.

It's not just the women in LA that are crazy:

Mike - Mike and I met at a singles mixer. We sorta dated for 1/2 a second but were really just friends for much of 8 years. We'd have dinner every 6 months or so and catch up and I always went out of my way for him to send him job leads because he was a freelance editor and was sometimes (often) out of work. Anyhow, he got married a few years ago. I had lunch with both of them and things seemed fine. Then he was going to come to my birthday party but last minute blew me off because they had just adopted 2 dogs and couldn't leave them at home alone. Ok, understood, but my bday party was literally 10 minutes from where they live. So close he probably could have walked. He didn't even stop by for 10 minutes to say hello and wish me a happy birthday. I mean, his wife could have watched the dogs for 10 minutes, don't you think? Then I found he defriended me from facebook. Nice treatment from someone you've known for 8+ years.

Sam - Sam I've known longer than anyone else in Los Angeles. We met when I first moved here and I went apartment hunting. We were going to be roommates but I had too much stuff to move into his beautiful condo, so we just kept in touch and were good friends. Pretty good friends for 12 years. We saw countless movies together and he often cooked dinner for us or took us out to eat. He was always a bit "off" I suppose. I mean, nice guy, got his MBA and had good job, unlike a lot of people here in LA that don't have real jobs. Always was screwed up with women - so much so that he almost married this girl that wanted to trick him into getting her pregnant. Yeah, he was attracted to *that* kind of crazy girl! Anyhow, after 12 years at failed attempts to meet "the right one" here in LA, he went back to his home country, found a girl there and imported her. Then for no reason, stopped being my friend. Defriended me on facebook. We never had any bad words between us even! Nice!

The icing on the cake, however, must go to people like Tanja, Amy and Stacey. Yes, these people take the cake because instead of saying, "Sorry sweetie that you're going through a rough time" they just dropped me like a hot potato. First I was sad about it but now I realize they are the worst "friends" of all because they have somehow bought into the LA bullshit that says you must act like everything is ok even when it's not. So to them, I say, goodbye and good riddance. Karma is a bitch!

I know I'm forgetting a ton of people so I may have to come back to this and update this blog entry!

I wonder if my experiences are unique. I mean, do I have horrible luck? Horrible taste in friends? I could say a lot of the "crazy" is because a lot of my "friends" work in the entertainment business but certainly not all of them. Is being an editor considered "entertainment?" Sorta but it's a pretty boring, regular job. Same with my friend that got his MBA. He had nothing to do with entertainment at all. Or my friend that married at age 18.

Maybe one of my high school friends was right when she posted on facebook not long ago that everyone in Los Angeles was a "loon". Ok, not everyone. There are some amazing people here. But I yearn for REAL people that aren't flakey, selfish and can SHOW they care. Are the people in Los Angeles all crazy or does the LA culture make people crazy?

Seriously. I feel cursed. And the worst part of it is, I feel like I go so far out of my way for others - to listen, to be a good friend, to help others find jobs and with whatever they need in life. Yet this is what I get in return?

Maybe I'm the one that's crazy after all.

Or everyone here is just selfish.

What do you think?

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