Wednesday, December 23, 2009

This year

It's no secret this has been a rough year for me - for many I suspect.

But the good thing is, this past year, as rough as it's been, has taught me who my true friends are.

A special thanks to Sarah and Ronna and Kathy and Leanne and Cory and Amy and Emily and Kaz and Michael and Kathryn and Jodi and Greg and Jeff and Jennifer and Stephane and anyone else I'm forgetting and even many of my "work" acquaintances have stepped up and kept me company on facebook and been better friends to me this year than people I've known for years who have fallen by the wayside. It's interesting (and a bit surprising) who your true friends turn out to be but you definitely learn who has your back in troubled times.

So this is the time of year I say thank you to all of you for reading my rants, for not unfriending (or defriending me) and for being kind, caring and supportive. For lending an ear, for "liking" my posts, for reading articles I've posted (even if we've debating or argued over politics), and for being a normal, caring person.

To you, I say thank you!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Everyone in LA is crazy

Maybe that's what's wrong.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

What's up with emails?

It is just me or do you also get 3 million emails a day?

I have about 10 email addresses.

1 for family
1 for dailly use
1 for work - which gets 25-100 emails a day - as well as spam and attachments of songs and .pdf and .doc files and all sorts of crap from artists, publicists and managers from all over the world
1 for email newsletters, my Netflix subscription, other "junk" emails
Need I go on?

Anyhow, my point is, how do you cope with all your daily emails?

I bet some of you get HUNDREDS of work emails a day. HUNDREDS!

Now I've noticed some people keep their inbox clean by responding to your email right away. That's probably efficient and the smartest way to do it. Otherwise the emails just overwhelm you and eventually crash the company's mail server, right?

I'm silly. I try to prioritize.

I mean, some emails are just more important or time sensitive than others. So those get my immediate attention.

But you know what? Then I find myself with 2700 emails in my inbox.

Some of them are still sorta important.

Many are just email spam or newsletters and items I need to read.

I don't know about you but I HATE reading on a computer.

The loading, the scrolling, the reading and's all too time consuming!

Maybe I need a 300" monitor. Would that help? Probably!

Anyhow, the latest thing I've noticed is a lot of people just don't respond to your emails.

It could be an email to a friend. I email again. Still, crickets. What gives?

Am I going to their spam?

Are they really that slammed at work? (These days? Probably).

But still, after an email and a follow-up email - don't most people respond?

So, I'm curious.

How many emails do YOU get a day?

And how long (generally) does it take you to respond to one?

And why haven't you emailed me back? ;)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

God forbid you should try to buck the system

I've been an entrepreneur ever since I was a teenager.

It started with collecting vinyl and merchandise on my favorite singers and bands.

And then evolved into a "real" job when I moved to LA and started managing bands.

Wait, is managing bands a "real" job? Well, sorta.


Managing turned into doing music licensing...which has now turned into a small indie label and publishing company.

And you know, it's funny, because I think a lot of people - artists especially but also some others I've come to know in the entertainment industry, aren't always very supportive of someone trying to make their living "outside" the traditional system.

And by "traditional system" I mean someone not working for a big Fortune 500 company or major studio, TV network, record label, major publishing company, etc.

I can't tell you how much bs I've had to put up with to stay in the music business these past 10 years.

Lying, cheating, backstabbing.

And from higher-ups at the companies I've had to deal with every day to blood-sucking co-workers at music industry jobs to artists alike.

Amazingly, sometimes artists have actually treated me the worst.

Yes, the artists.

The same artists I've worked like a dog for for years for not only virtually no pay but the same artists that I've poured tens of thousands of dollars of my own money into. Oh no, those "artists" are sometimes some of the most awful, disloyal, self-centered, egocentric and awful people I've come across in my life.

But they aren't the ones I'm here to talk about.

And of course, I've been lucky enough to also work with some amazingly kind, sweet, supportive, considerate and wonderful artists too!

No, I think it's jealousy or something(?) that causes people to not like it when you try to buck the system.

Now what do I mean by "buck the system"?

I mean, going out on your own. Not being at the beck and call of some corporate entity, whether they are big or small. Because, early on in my career, I learned the hard way that corporations just don't care about you.

In my 20's I went through several corporate mergers. In fact, it happened to me at my first "real" job out of college. The ad agency I was working for merged with a larger ad agency and so many jobs were cut - mine being one of them.

And how did I find out about my soon to be "ex job"? I read it in an email from the CEO to my boss. Yeah, so I marched right into HR's office and got myself laid off. I mean, why wait for them to fire me? I was young and naive but albeit ballsy and in retrospect, I'm pretty proud of my decision to do this instead of going into work every day waiting to be fired. I mean, what's the point in working somewhere when you know your days are numbered?

Anyhow, it doesn't seem to matter if it was from a merging of corporations or simple office politics or a shortage of cash (or greed) but companies have no loyalty to their employees anymore. And so, I have no use for companies.

Now I'm sure there are some good companies out there. I've had some great jobs too where we had amazing company 100% PAID FOR health insurance. But, in general, corporations do not care about you. Or me. Employees are most often seen as an line-item on some CFO's spreadsheet - so unless you're responsible for bringing in significant money to the company i.e. in sales, your job is usually an expensive line-item that can increase a company's bottom line if eliminated.

Anyhow, back to my original topic.

I just wanted to give you some background to why I generally dislike to work for companies.

So what have I done instead for the better part of the past 10 years?

Worked on building my own business.

Now, as anyone in the entertainment business will tell you, making a living in this business is difficult no matter what. Why? Because almost every kid of out college and/or with a trust fund would give their right arm to work in "showbiz". As such, the starting salaries for jobs in the entertainment business, especially music, are paltry and often insulting. Taken a look at the UTA job list lately? It's full of jobs for $400-500 a week, sometimes with NO benefits. Now who can survive on this salary? No one without a trust fund, that's sure.

So what's an enterprising young woman to do?

I say, "Go out on your own."

I mean, after all, if you're going to be eating ramen for dinner every night, you might as well be self-employed, make your own hours and have some control over your destiny, right?

Because after paying my dues for years working for other people, I realized that it was going to be almost impossible to get ahead by staying at a company and hoping to work my way up the ladder. After all, that means you need to wait for your boss to die....or order to get a promotion. And even if that happens, the likelihood of them hiring someone from outside the company are pretty great.

Ok, ok, back to my original point. Sorry. I know this is getting long but I have a lot to say.

So you work on your own and yet I seem to get a sense oftentimes, that people do not like you bucking the system or trying to "make it on your own" outside the corporate bubble.

God forbid you try to be creative in coming up with ways to make money as an entrepreneur.

Now I'm not talking about doing anything shady or unethical here. After all, anyone that knows me knows I have just about the highest morals and ethics out there!

No, the irony is many of the people that head up labels or music departments or that run some of the biggest companies or music departments out there are some of the most dishonest, lying, cheating scumbags out there. Yet they oftentimes make the most money by their lying and cheating ways. Ugh. If that isn't enough to make you want to jump off a bridge, I don't know what is!

However, I know, that with much hard work and dedication, it's possible to become successful by behind honest, up front and ethical. But more support from people would be nice!

Anyhow, thanks for listening to my rant. I just wanted to say that it's not always easy to do what I do.

After all, I don't take home a steady salary or paycheck like my corporate brothers. I don't get paid vacation or sick days or holidays. I don't have a matching 401K plan or company paid for health insurance.

And I've endured more than I ever care to admit in terms of assholes in this business.

And why?

Because I love music.

But at the end of the day, I also need to make a living.

And for the 2 of you out there who studied economics, you know the meaning of an "opportunity cost" - because it's what you give up

i.e. that corporate gig with the 401K and paid health insurance, yada yada

is a lot. So you need to figure out a way to make that same money (if not more) when you work on your own because you have to pay for all those benefits on your own. And also enough to pay your rent and expenses and put something aside for the future.

It's NOT easy. It really isn't.

As such, I wish people were more supportive over what I do.

Because it's not easy going to work for someone else every day.


Because it's DEFINITELY not easy going to work for yourself every day.

People should support entrepreneurs, especially the "good" ones like me who are fighting the good fight and trying to make their living on their own terms - and meanwhile who are competing against companies with much deeper pockets and many more resources and bigger staffs than me!

I wish.



be more supportive!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

A dating question

Ok, things in my personal life are going much better (at least for now) so I have a completely new topic to discuss - my personal fave - DATING!

I've had several girlfriends over the years lecture me about what I wear.

They say I should "dress up" more.

Not on dates but when I go ANYWHERE - even if it's just from my house to their house!?! I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do full hair, make-up and clothes just to go visit a couple of friends - in the hopes that I'll meet a cute guy in the elevator or on the short walk from my car to their apartment. That's insane!

Now, while I RARELY leave home without make-up (ya know, in case the paparazzi keep following me, as they always do), if I'm going to a friend's apartment or just somewhere mellow to eat or hang out, I usually wear my chucks, jeans a cute top and a hoodie or something equally chill/casual.

I've tried to explain to friends that I work in the music business - where dressing like a college student is the only way to go. If I wore skirts and other "dressy" outfits out on a regular basis, well, I just wouldn't fit in. Plus, I'm definitely more of a "jeans and t-shirt" type of gal than a "dress in heels and dresses" type of girl anyway.

And, for the record, I've gotten dolled up and dressed up PLENTY of times to go out to dinner or to drinks with friends and rarely do I ever talk to a guy when I'm looking hot. No, it's the times I'm in Trader Joe's in my gym clothes looking like hell when I get approached by a guy. Or walking down the street, in my hoodie, outside a bar. But rarely, if ever, when I actually look good. Now why is this??

I have a theory that if you look too smoking hot, most guys will be too chicken to come talk to you. So only the total douchebag guys who have that unwarranted amount of self-confidence will approach you when you look great. But when you look like a "normal/girl next door" then, and maybe only then, do you stand a chance at a "normal" guy talking to you....

Anyhow, I love (aka hate) that my married friends think the whole secret to snagging a guy is dressing a certain way.

Oh, and doing my hair, make-up, eyebrows and nails.

Well, if that's really true, I guess I'll be single forever.


I'm curious to hear from all you married folks - is this how you got attached? And for the married guys, is this what got you to fall for your now wife?

And to the single men and women - what do you think??

Monday, October 19, 2009

East Coast v. West Coast

No, this isn't another blog entry about moving.

But a thought did come to mind tonight.

What's with the whole 'east coast v. west coast' thing?

I admit - I don't follow rap music.

But isn't there a huge west coast v. east coast rap feud?

And wasn't there "west coast swing" and "east coast swing"?

I never quite understood New Yorker's disdain for all things Los Angeles. I mean, New Yorkers seem ok with San Francisco.

Are they jealous of LA's perpetual sunshine?

Or do they detest the entertainment industry and all that it brings to the city - the fake boobs, the fake personalities and people?

I'm not sure.

I've said this before - LA is just like high school. It suddenly matters again what kind of car you drive, how you look and what clique you hang out with.

I don't think Angelinos have anything against New Yorkers after all!

We love visiting the city for bagels, pizza, shopping and all things New York.

So where does this rivalry come from?

Having lived on both coasts now, I'm still trying to figure it out.

I will say though, that it's rare I've ever questioned anyone's sincerity in New York.

Is that it?

Anyhow, both coasts seem to have a lot to offer.

The west coast definitely wins on the sunshine and weather - and the sushi and Mexican food.
The east coast definitely wins on the scenery - grass, trees, plants, birds, flowers, all that stuff.

Probably the only way to do it right is to be bi-coastal.

What should I blog about?

Ok, so I guess I need a new topic to blog about.

Any suggestions?

Why the sky is blue?
How to pick out a puppy?
101 uses for toothpicks?

Never in a million years

11 years ago I made the bold decision to pack up all my belongings and move from Connecticut to Los Angeles.

It made a lot of sense at the time.

Rents were relatively cheap.

Warm weather year round.

Younger people and plentiful jobs in entertainment.

Better dating prospects?

However, things have changed.

Ballooning unemployment and rising housing costs have created the perfect storm of strange in Los Angeles. Of course, I'm sure things are strange/sucky everywhere but LA to me seems particularly 'off'.

And come to find out, friends have said I've been unhappy/griping about LA for the past 3 years. Wow, really? 3 years is a LONG time.

I guess it amounts to a few things. I mean, who would want to give up the California lifestyle? The weather? All the things to do. You can hike, bike, run, walk, play tennis or golf outside, year-round in Los Angeles. And let's not forget work. I've worked my ass off for 11 years, building up 2-3 different businesses. Throwing that all away is no easy decision. So thank you to those of you that have been caring, concerned and have read this blog! I know I probably haven't been the "funnest" person these past few years - but we've never been through such tough times in my lifetime anyhow!

Now, unless you bought real estate 5+ years ago, LA is pretty ridiculous for a number of reasons. I mean, sure, some areas in LA are affordable (??!) but in CT you can buy a house for $300-500K. In LA, you can barely find a decent condo for that price. And CT gets you good schools and a safe area. Oooh but the weather....if they could just do something about the weather back east...

I've realized lately that everything in life is a trade-off.

In LA, you have annoying traffic to deal with 24/7. It's pretty unavoidable.
In NY, you have annoying weather to deal with 24/7. It's pretty unavoidable.

Neither one are going away anytime soon.

In LA I've always felt like things were "dirty" - anytime I go out in almost any part of the city, I feel like I need a shower after. Esp. Hollywood.
In NY I don't feel dirty. Sure, places are cramped, but for some reason, unless I've taken the subway, I just don't feel the need to shower after a night out in NYC.

Anyhow, if you'd asked me 20 years ago if I would be living in LA, working in the music/entertainment business, I'd say "no way".

And if you'd asked me 10 or 5 or even 1 year ago if there was any way I'd ever consider moving back to the east coast, I'd have said "no way".

However, you get older, people move on with their lives - they get married, and have kids. And while that seems to happen everywhere, as you get older and go out and "do less stuff" - where you live seems to matter less. At least in terms of the weather. I mean, it's not like I go surfing every day.

Never in a million years did I think I'd be moving back to the east coast.

But things change.

So, we'll see.

The last thing I want to do is move 3,000 miles away only to find that in 6-12 months, things in LA and CA improve.

The last thing I want to do is stay in LA only to find that in 6-12 months, nothing in LA or CA has improved. And I'm still miserable.

See, it's not an "easy" decision.

I just hope I make the right one.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

How to be successful in business & blogging - consistency

I'm a very consistent person.

And after years of developing relationships from keeping in touch with people, I'm noticing something.

Many people aren't consistent.

Take blogs for example.

I follow 4 friend's blogs on here.

And you know what?

Only 1 of 4 has updated their blog in the past 6 months.

6 months!!?!

Now I know we all get busy but what's the point in blogging if you're not going to well, keep doing it?

How can you develop a following if you don't update your blog regularly?

But people are fickle.

So I just unsubscribed from 3 of the 4 blogs.

Nicole, if you're reading this, you're the only one left.

I believe one of the KEYS to success in business, not just blogging but ANY business, is consistency.

Didn't anyone see "Julie & Julia"? She had to keep blogging and then she finally developed a following!

Why start something you're not going to continue?

If you haven't updated your blog in 6+ months you might as well delete it now.

And leave for blogspace for the rest of us :)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

LA LA land indeed

When I first declared to my New York friends that I was moving to Los Angeles, I'm sure many were shocked. Saddened. Happy. Surprised.

"Why would you want to move there?" they asked.

LA, after all, is known for its beautiful weather, eternal sunshine and fake, plastic people.

It's no secret than New Yorkers have a secret dislike for all things Los Angeles. San Francisco? Not so much. But Los Angeles? After all, how can you take seriously a city nicknamed "la la land" or known for its "California dreaming?"

Yet, I read articles like this,0,7931005.story and yet my friends in LA say "don't worry, things will get better".

And I'd like to believe them. Really I would.

However, having such blind optimism - I'm not quite sure what good that will do me.

I mean, how long can you stay living in a city that has the highest unemployment rate in 70 years. 70 years! Ok, so I'm not sure if that was for all of CA or just Los Angeles. I believe it's not just LA that's messed up but the ENTIRE state.

So is the glass really half full? Perhaps. Things could get better. And they will. But this is definitely the worse recession I've seen in my life and from the looks of most LA city streets and "for lease" signs, it appears more like a depression to me than a recession.

Yet, all the information points to the glass being half empty. And I certainly am increasingly afraid of staying here and being swallowed up by either a horrible earthquake, one of the 93 million fires that rages here every day, a mudside or god forbid, a tsunami.

And sure, I know, nowhere in the U.S. or world are you safe from natural disasters. The east coast and Florida have hurricanes. The midwest has tornadoes. The south has hurricanes and drought. Oh yeah and LA has the mother of all natural disaster combos - the fire, earthquake, mudslide, tsunami and now drought seasons.

So I'm sorry to all you cheerful Californians. I'm really trying to hang on. Hang on for hope. For a sign. Any sign that our economy is improving.

But so far, well, I'm not convinced.

And from what I've read, this state is worse of than almost any in the country. But at least the weather is nice.

Ironic to me that in LA, it's so warm out, yet people are so chilly. Yet NY is so cold, yet people are so warm. Hmmm.

I know it's not socially acceptable to talk about "negative" things in this city. Or expression any negative thought at all.

But what if I'm not being negative?

What if things are bad. And going to continue to get worse?

What if I'm just facing reality?

La la land indeed.

Now I think I know where the city gets its name.

But don't worry.

I'll be out of your hair soon and can return to my east coast roots.

Where it's still socially acceptable to complain.

And I don't have to pretend.

Good things about the recession - part 2

A few months back I wrote an entry about good things about the recession - like easier parking, good deals on travel, less traffic, etc.

Here's part 2!

1. Sucky companies going away. Sure, there are some really sad losses from this recession. I've had some heartbreaking news of things like Yahoo's Launchcast radio going away. But we've had some sucky companies leave too.

*Linens 'n Things - Did anyone ever shop there? I might have bought something there once but they were far more expensive and had a worse selection than rival Bed, Bath & Beyond.

*Washington Mutual - Now while I certainly found it cute when they officially changed their name to "WaMu" I never really liked this bank. And while the marketing genius who decided the "WaMu" name change would work, how can anyone take a bank seriously that has a "cute" name? I want a bank to safely protect my money, not be clever like a Carl's Jr. or Jack in the Box commercial. Anyhow, the "free" checking or whatever was good but you get what you pay for. Waiting in line forEVA with every other Tom, Dick & Harry. WaMu you won't be missed.

*Merrill Lynch - While times were good, I think in the 1980's, I was probably making 18% interest on my money. But generally their advice was poor. Like my broker, who told me it was "silly" and "a waste" to buy only $1000 worth of AOL stock in 1996. Well, flash forward a few years and that $1000 of stock skyrocketed to $50,000! I wish I could say I sold it at its peak, but like most suckers who believed things like "housing prices go up ForEVER", it seemed like it would keep going up. If only I had sold at the peak. Instead, I made a few thousand dollars. Still, a nice gain from my $1K investment. And because of this lesson, I learned that nothing goes up "forever" and when your gain from an investment seems "too good to be true" that's probably when you should get out. I bet a lot of homeowners are kicking themselves for not learning that lesson sooner.

*Earth Wind & Flour - I think only one location went bust but this West LA restaurant always served bland, mediocre, blah Italian wanna-be pizzas and pastas. Some Lebanese restaurant is moving in. That's gotta be an improvement.

*Lehman Brothers - I am never happy to hear of anyone losing a job but I'm pretty sure if it has to happen, it should happen to the greedy bastards that worked at this company, not school teachers or social workers. (The only exception to this is Kathleen - she is a good person and no doubt an exception to the rule - so if you're reading this Kathleen, here's a shout out and a "get out of jail" free card for this blog entry). If you're making so much money you can blow it on an overpriced car, expensive shoes and clothes and other wasteful things, maybe it's a good thing you lost your job. I read an article on CNN recently that featured many people laid off from the financial sector (investment banking) and how they've all started new careers and wouldn't go back if they could. They now come home early and spend time with their kids. That's gotta be a good thing.

2. It's GREAT for the environment. People driving less, eating out less, buying cheaper items, cooking at home, recycling for the $2.85 in bottle return money, that's all good news for mother earth. I bet people are also drinking less bottled water! Yay. Now if only we could get India and China and other overpopulated countries to clean up their mess...and stop using so many cell phones that are no doubt killing all the bees...

3. In many ways, the people that just cared about the glitz, glamour and MONEY in the entertainment business have left or are leaving. As the money gets pulled out of the entertainment industry, the only people who are left are truly passionate about their jobs. Of course, as things get worse, I've also seen people becoming increasing unethical and greedy. But oh that's the topic for another blog entry. This one is supposed to be "positive".

4. With more free time on one's hands, we have more time to eat right and exercise. After all, if you're unemployed, you have nothing better to do but work out every day and make dinner.

5. Your Tivo/DVR is never lonely. With so much time being spent at home, people have more time to keep up on their favorite TV shows.

Got anything to add to the list?

Sunday, October 4, 2009


When do you move?

It's a topic I've been thinking a *lot* about these past few days, weeks and months.

Because I've grown increasingly unhappy with life on the west coast.

And yet it's a hard lifestyle to give up.

Life in LA is so easy compared to the east coast.

Just dealing with the weather every day - from the heat and humidity of the summer where you sweat like Bernie Madoff in a room full of angry investors, to the cold snow and harsh rain, the weather impacts your life every day. I hate the cold.

But I think I hate shady people even more.

I moved out to LA because I wanted to work in the entertainment business. I bet you've heard that one before.

And it worked out pretty well I have to say.

But as the economy continues to spiral down, I have lately come to the conclusion that it's not worth it anymore. I love music and I love what I do but is it worth behaving horribly just to stay in the business?

And lord knows if I'd continued working in the Internet field, I'm pretty sure my pay would be astronomical right now. Imagine, me with 10+ years of Internet experience.

This is a really hard decision.

Because there are so many things I will miss about LA. The weather. The beach. Some of my friends here.

But it's a hollow, empty shell of what it used to be. It's no longer "fun" and carefree. Instead, the nice parts of the west side of LA have been overrun by foreigners. Rich, unfriendly foreigners as they are evidently the only ones who can afford to live around here.


I never thought in a million years that I would move back to the east coast.

But I think, as I get older, I realize quality of life means more than good weather.

It means being around people who are caring and not flakes.

So I guess it's time to pack my bags.

Maybe with global warming the winters won't be so bad...

Whip It - You can't make other people happy

I was reading a review of Drew Barrymore's film "Whip It".

Now I haven't seen the film yet. I probably will next week.

But the review said something interesting to me.

Something about the "lessons learned" in the film.

Finding your own happiness.

And not trying to please other people.

One can't help but wonder if these statements come out as a page from Drew's own personal life.

And so I thought, "Wow, amazing as this so applies to me right now."

Because I'm finding, god forbid you express a feeling or say something, anything at all, offer up an opinion, everyone in your life with either choose to agree or disagree. And there certainly is no way to please everyone.

So I say, "screw it" - don't listen to the naysayers. I mean, make sure you're being a good person and doing the right thing. But beyond that? Just tune out.


Because, in life, people will enjoy telling you what to do. How to act. How to live your life. Even how you should feel. And you just can't please everyone.

So do you ignore them? De-friend those naysayers from your facebook? Move away?

I hate hearing all the crap about, "Only YOU can make yourself happy." It always sounds to me like some church preaching crap about "finding your inner peace" and "do undo others". Sorry, random tangent here but one of the reasons I particularly hate organized religion is many of the very religious people I know have the WORST values out there. Sure, that's maybe an unfair statement as I also have churchgoing friends who are the most kind, caring and considerate people. But, like any club, I guess you can't control who joins. I just don't see the point of being so hypocritical. But then again, many people in life front that they are "good people" and stab you in the back faster than you can say, "Please pass the sugar."

Anyhow, back to my original point.

I never thought of myself as a people pleaser. But I guess the female or Asian stereotype part of me just wants everyone to be happy and everyone to get along. That's a nice thought but certainly not very practical.

Anyhow, the best way I can think to live my life is be a good person. And that means leaning on friends when I need to. As I hope they would feel they can lean on me when they need to.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

People are losing their @#$T

Today someone called me childish.

I find that amusing.

I've been called many things in my life.




A hard worker.



Even overly sensitive.

But childish?

And it all stemmed from an email I sent saying that I am planning to move. And sure I alluded to my disappointment in the behavior of some of my current and former "friends."

But I was most chastised for expressing how I felt. To people in my life that have disappointed me. Wow, I guess I could have taken another approach. Let people think they were behaving ok when they weren't. I mean, people don't change - so why tell someone if they've let you down?

I don't know. I guess it just feels wrong to leave and let people think bad behavior is ok.

Maybe I'm just going to be disappointed with everyone. At least everyone I meet in LA. My expectations are "too high" I've been told.

Yet I can't think of one single friend from the east coast who I'm disappointed in. No, my former co-workers there are so caring, they will send me a long email giving me helpful and encouraging advice. Co-workers I barely knew then let alone 10 years later. Yet my "friends" or so called "acquaintance friends" here in LA can barely be bothered to invite me out for a drink or coffee. Maybe they are too absorbed in their own issues to deal with being a good friend to me or anyone else. Fine. Then I need to move somewhere where people have less problems than LA.

Anyhow, I've come to realize that it's VERY hard to live in LA.

Not just because it's expensive.

And the parking.

And driving everywhere.

And that everything is so spread out.

And that we're running out of water.

And that it's 24/7 on fire.

It's biggest fault, in my opinion, is the people that are drawn here.

My friend said, "think about the type of person that is drawn to LA" - someone interested in becoming a celebrity or being around lights, cameras and ACTION!

No, sane people do not, for the most part, pick up and move thousands of miles away from their families to work in "show biz".

Oh well.

It was the right decision at the time.

Things have changed.

People all over the country are losing their collective @#$T and it ain't pretty. And it's getting worse.

Why just last week, I talked to yet ANOTHER music industry contact who was packing up his house, wife and kid and moving to Utah. People are defecting to some seriously remote places - Utah, Vermont, rural Pennsylvania etc.

I guess this is to be expected.

So, it's time to get out. Before things get even worse.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Judgment - a post for friends

It amazes me how easily people like to pass judgment.

Sure, I get it. It's fun to offer a friend unsolicited advice.

I admit. I've done it. Countless times.

But what's that expression about not judging someone unless you've walked in their shoes....

Lately I've been thinking a lot about friendship.


What is a friend?

What does it mean to be someone's friend?

Is a friend someone you talk to every day?

Once a week?

Once a month?

Or does the time frame not matter?

We all have friends we may not see or even talk to for months - yet when we do reconnect, it's as if no time has passed.

Hmmm, well, I guess everyone defines friendship differently.

To me, I define friendship this way.

A friend is someone you see on a somewhat regular basis.

A friend calls (or emails) you on a regular basis to check in on you.

In fact, a friend knows what's going on with you most, if not all of the time.

I have to ask myself then, how come people who don't talk to me on a regular basis or who have no real idea what's going in with me right now feel the need to pass their judgment on my life?

Maybe it's because they care.

They say things like:

"Just cheer up."

Oh that's so easy to say. Not so easy to do.

Do you have my body and my health problems? I bet you don't. Do you have my so-called circle of "friends"? Do you live in LA? Do you have my family, my parents, my aunts and uncles and extended family to call your own? Unless you're living my life and in my shoes, please shut up.

"If you're unhappy, just move."

I've heard this from countless people.

And sure, while it may seem like "no biggie" to just throw every possession you own into a box and rent a U-Haul, have you moved lately? By yourself? Have you seen how much stuff I have?

Oh they say, "Just move anywhere."

Oh yes, perhaps I could. Pack up and move all my stuff to Oregon or Nevada or Florida.

But moving is one of the single hardest things to do in life. And throw in a bad back, the thought of packing up one box much less an entire apartment's worth isn't exactly inspiring. And if my so-called "friends" don't even have the time to respond to my phone calls or emails, I sincerely doubt they'll have the time to come over and help me pack. And I would never ask friends to actually move me. It's far too much work for a favor.

Moving is hard.

Not just the packing, the taping, the wrapping of things. The finding of a new place to live. Have you driven around lately and looked at 20-30 crappy apartments? I did that when I was 25 and it was EXHAUSTING. I simply do not have the time, energy or motivation to do that now. Sure, I can do most of my research online these days and believe me, I have. And I don't like what I see. Tons of dark, crappy, depressing, tiny little overpriced apartments.

And these same people, when they say, "Oh there are some *great* deals out there" - well yeah, sure there are. And maybe if my last "great, spacious, cute, safe" apartment hadn't been broken into while I was *in* it and I wasn't attacked while asleep IN MY BED, hmmm, maybe I could and would just move to any crappy apartment out there and not care because, "Oh look at the money I'd be saving".

"Just move." Make some change. Any change. That's what they say.

Sure, it's easy if you have a fat bank account and no ties to the city. I've lived in LA 11 years. And love it or hate it, it has become my home. I feel more comfortable here than I have anywhere else in the world. So picking up and leaving my neighborhood, city or state is not an easy decision. My entire business is here. And throwing in the towel on something I've been doing for 11 years is very, very difficult.

Is it the "right" decision"?

When do you go on -- and when do you throw in the towel?

If you're happy 50% of the time, is that ok?

What if some days are 100% great and the other days are 100% horrid?

Is that the time to change?

What if you go somewhere else and it's even worse??

Sure, it could be better. But it's a crap shoot. And I'm not a gambler. If I bet, I make very safe, calculated bets. And that has served me well thus far. I'm not about to start gambling with where I live...

At 25, picking up and moving 3,000 miles across the country seemed easy. Well, it wasn't easy. But I was motivated to do it. And I had family and a couple very close friends living in LA already. The decision wasn't so hard.

I don't think picking up and moving hundreds (or thousands) of miles away to live in a town or city where I know NO ONE at this point in my life makes sense. Because, at this age, most everyone my age is going to be married with kids so if LA is a tough city for singles, I can only imagine it's worse in most other cities where people settle down even earlier.

If I do move anywhere, I'd likely move back to Connecticut. Where houses are expensive but still way more affordable than Los Angeles, there is a good job market and New York City is a fairly easy commute by train.

I really do hate LA. But not the city. I hate many of the people I've met here. I hate that you have to drive EVERYWHERE, often in traffic, often needing to get parking tickets validated and fighting to find a space. I hate that I seem to know and meet many more weird/crazy people here than sane ones. I hate that the men (and women) here are pretty unrealistic about the type of mate they are going to attract. I hate that the vast majority of men that I've met in the music business are sleazy, dishonest, lying cheats. I hate that most of the women I meet (and many of the men) are completely self-absorbed narcissists who talk 90% of the time and rarely let me get a word in edgewise much less ask how I'm doing. And so the cycle of self-absorbed, narcissists continues. I hate that my industry seems to reward greedy, selfish, lying, cheating people. I hate that I can never find anyone to cat sit (even neighbors and former roommates!) and that boarding my cat has often cost me hundreds of dollars - more that entire roundtrip airfares when I've been gone. I hate that many parts of LA are dirty and I feel like I need a shower after going out. I hate that I spend so much time helping other people find dates, jobs and apartments yet I get back about 10% of what I put out. I hate that I can be sick for 3 days and not move from bed and only one friend calls me during that time. I hate that I can be well for a week or more and not one friend calls to say hello or see how I'm doing. I hate that I have to have a nervous breakdown or be in dire straits before anyone offers an ear or a hand to help. I hate that I think I have friends but in reality, those "friends" are really just acquaintances who act like friends to perhaps advance their acting/singing/writing/dancing career - but really could care less about you because you're just someone they see or talk to "sometimes" or when you're at an event together or mutual friend's place. I hate how people completely forget about you once they start dating someone, get engaged or get married. I hate that people are flakey. I hate that because I live in LA, I shouldn't even be thinking, much less writing an email with so many negative thoughts because it's not socially acceptable here to gripe, rant or even look like you're unhappy. No, we must be "fake happy" but not ever "real unhappy".

Now to the positive stuff.

I really do like LA. (Used to be love but now it's like.) The weather is just perfect 95% of the time. I love not having to wear sweaters, thermal underwear, layers, big puffy jackets, snow boots and thick socks. I like that the culture is laid back. I love the diversity. I love the sushi and overall selection of reasonably priced, yummy foods to eat. I love that I live close to the beach. I love that people stay in shape here and yoga is practiced. I love that there are Trader Joe's everywhere and one that's even open til 10pm each night! I love that fresh fruit and veggies seem to be in season year round. I love that people recycle and care about the environment. I love that people like to go hiking. I love that I can walk, hike and play tennis year round. I love that if I get down I can go for a drive up PCH or take a walk on the Santa Monica pier and play skee ball and eat cotton candy.

Wow, I just reread what I wrote there and realize that all the things I "like" about LA are completely superficial. No wonder why I'm miserable here.

Family is what matters.

True friendships.

I have neither of those here. Ok, maybe 2 real friends.

A friend and native Angelino recently said I'm going to be unhappy because I have high expectations. Maybe. But if expecting others to be caring when you care about them is "too high" an expectation then perhaps I really don't fit in here after all.

See, no decision is easy.

Or that black and white.

And until it becomes BLINDINGLY obvious that I need to make a change, well, I guess not much in my life is going to change.

What I need are better friends. People that have time to hang out and be a good friend.

Really, I'm not a horrible, complaining person.

I'm just a single gal, living in LA trying to make it in this big city, living and running businesses all entirely by herself.

It's not easy.

I used to have people who cared.



But of course, those ex's and those friends have moved on. They are all married now. And somehow, because I've chosen to remain single, I'm left with no one in my corner.

I give and give and give to people, hoping they are my friend and that they care.

Yet, they just seem to take and take and take. Or, what little effort they make just isn't enough. I see, you have time to update your facebook profile... but we haven't hung out in months. Sure, updating your fb profile takes only a second. But you see the irony there?

How much of your life have you lived completely on your own without help from family, friends or significant others?

I'm guessing not 99% of your life like me.

Sure, tell me to move. I wasn't married with someone to hang out with and take care of me for years. I'm not a sleazy guy who doesn't get lonely because he has a series of superficial, meaningless relationships. Must be great for guys who can be sluts. Women can't. Well, not this woman anyhow. I've known women who have a revolving door of men in their lives and well, that lifestyle simply doesn't work for me. I'm not *so* desperate that I'm willing to become a whore just for a few minutes of a guy's attention. But plenty of women in LA and around the world I'm sure are.

Anyhow, of course, the only people who have read this blog are my friends from back east. Friends from high school. Not one single response from anyone in LA. That must be a sign, right?

Maybe it is time for a move. No matter how painful or expensive it will be.

Who really cares about this entertainment industry crap anyhow?

No judgment.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Maybe I'm not good at pretending

Maybe my issue with LA is that I'm not good at pretending.

Most people here, well, many move to LA to become actors.

And the culture supports that.

We pretended for a LONG time that the economy was good when it wasn't.

Only recently did Angelinos start to talk about how terrible the economy was. That's how I knew things were getting worse, not better. Because normally happy people were finally admitting they were sad, depressed, or just plain broke.

Angelinos are great at pretending.

Pretending they have money by driving that fancy car.

When in reality they are in massive credit card debt and can't afford lunch much less than Beemer they are driving.

Pretending they are rich when they aren't by wearing expensive clothes, shoes or handbags.

Oh well.

Things will get better.

But in LA it may not happen for a while...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Will things get better?

Life in LA is hard right now.

Thankfully, the raging fire is almost contained. But water mains are breaking all over the city. We're in a major drought. The economy bites.

More layoffs are coming and yet, for some reason, housing prices here are still insane.

I have a few friends who make GOOD money. And they can only afford to buy places in the valley. No offense but I just could not live in the valley. I rather move back to Connecticut. Between the smog and heat and general craziness of the people there, it just doesn't make sense for me. And it's not like places in the valley are *that* much cheaper or bigger or nicer than the west side. Ok, well maybe people move to the valley because they can afford a house there and not on the west side - so the houses in the valley are bigger and nicer than what you would get on the west side for the same money ($500-600K in the valley vs. $1 million for the same thing on the west side). Frankly, I rather move to Orange County. It's newer and nicer and cleaner and the public schools are better. (er, that's in the off chance I actually get married and have kids)...


How can real estate prices still be SO high when so many people are out of work? Am I the only one who thinks it's insane that crappy, small, one bedroom condos with a view of another building are a rip-off at $300-400K??

Maybe everyone sane moved out of LA already...

And the entire entertainment industry is messed up. I feel like it will not recover.

Oh well.

I feel stuck.

It's amazing to me that the only people that regularly read and comment on my facebook status updates are friends from high school. I hate to say it but I just don't think people in LA care. Or maybe they all already have their own circle of friends that they care about. I've cut a LOT of people out in my life here in LA and I have no regrets about that. Flaky, self-absorbed "friends" are not friends worth having.

Why am I still here?

I don't know.

I honestly don't.

I guess if I had some help I would move but for now it's just easier to stay here, stuck, than to make some massive move cross country to Florida or back home.

Anyone want to help??

I mean, my friend said, "it's a GLOBAL recession. It's going to suck anywhere you go..."

But still, I can't help but wonder, if I couldn't find at least one or two friends if I lived somewhere else that had more free time and were more caring and giving than people here.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Status update!

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last entry!

I seem to be doing better than a few other friend's blogs I read though - they haven't posted anything in 5-6 months - come on people! I just keep my blog page open in Firefox as a reminder to write something every now and again.

I'm kinda surprised my blog hasn't exploded like in "Julie & Julia" - hmm, should I state that I am going to bake my way through the ENTIRE Mrs. Fields cookbook to get more followers? Would anyone care? Er, probably not.

Anyhow, hello to all my friends reading this (and the lurkers too!)

What's everyone been up to?

Well, here in LA we've had the city's worst fire. It's on its way to being contained. Lucky for me some water main broke last Friday while I was mid-shower. Running out of water with soap and conditioner in your hair is fun fun!!!

In more happy news, I took a road trip last week to Monterey. Had a BLAST. Monterey is just the cleanest, most charming little town! I had some of the best pizza I've had in my life (veggie slices) with a great small salad to boot! The town may shut down at 10pm but at least there is still amazing pizza for late night travelers like myself.

My hotel was sweeeet - I got a great deal bidding using - woot woot! The room was normally $130-180 a night but because I used priceline and it was a Mon/Tues night plan, I got the room for $80 plus tax. It was walking distance to downtown Monterey.

I spent the next day at the Aquarium. Used my first "dual flush" toilet. Loved that the aquarium was so environmentally friendly. It's rated the 3rd best tourist attraction in the U.S. for kids and I can see why - kids didn't scream or yell. I was impressed. I guess between the sea otters and jellyfish and sharks the kids were too mesmerized to cry or complain.

The weather was blissfully perfect. Literally just perfect weather. And the air so fresh! I had forgotten what fresh air smelled like.

I'm pretty sure Monterey is about the most perfect place to live. Of course, it must get pretty cloudy/rainy/cold there in the winter but the days I visited it was just perfect.

The next day I hit Carmel-by-the-sea. Beautiful beach. Shops were quaint, if a bit geared towards 50+ something rich snooty people. Still, the beach was almost devoid of seaweed. I wondered how this could be. Is Carmel so rich that someone goes around scooping up all the seaweed?

I also found a delightful coffee shop that had one of the tastiest apple strudels I've had. Ah. I'm old enough to retire there, right??

Overall, I can't say enough great things about Monterey. The drive to and from up and down PCH is also some of the most breathtaking road I've ever driven. I had to concentrate to prevent myself from driving off a cliff as the sunsets and ocean were so breathtakingly beautiful.

Otherwise, not really much is new.

Seems people in my industry keep getting fired / not hired by the day.

Is there any future in the music business?

I'm beginning to think not.

A lot of people are still employed - but for many, the jobs will not come back.

I knew it was too good to be true - people getting paid to choose music for movies and TV shows.

Oh well.

So what's next?

Teaching would be a good option except I'm pretty sure the state is broke. And public schools pay $20K a year, right?

I wish I could get a job watching reality TV shows. I'm good at that (and no, not the uber-crappy VH1 ones but the good ones like "Top Chef" and "The Amazing Race" and "The Bachelor" :)

So maybe I should just invent a "sham wow" and go from there :)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Has anyone "defriended" you on facebook?

Ha, so in my continuing saga of crazy people in LA, I noticed that 2 of my ex-friends have defriended me on facebook. Actually, 1 on facebook and one on facebook & twitter.


Anyhow, I find it amusing and a bit ironic that the person that went crazy, yelling at ME for no reason, would defriend me. Wow, really? I believe that's what we call "delusional". Why is it that when you try to help someone, you're the one that somehow ends up feeling like they did something wrong? Oh yeah. Because "friends" in the entertainment business know the lame trick of "pass the blame" to escape responsibility when they dropped the ball. Oooh that's so clever. I'm at fault and a bad person because you f'd up. Riiiight....anyhow, back to reality....

And the other ex-friend?

Well, she might have more of a reason to be pissed.

Sure, not too long ago we were such good friends that we went on vacation together. Hell, she took the photo that is my facebook profile photo...and while on vacation, she was super sweet and amazing. But that was while we were out of LA and I was a guest on vacation in her home state.

What I just couldn't deal with anymore was the constant reminder than any conversation we had was 95% about her and 5% about me. Yeah, sweetie, friendships are 2 way streets. And really, I don't mind listening to you talk a lot. I talk a lot to other friends so I figure it all balances out!

Yet what I DO mind is when I listen to someone talk for hours and then they suddenly have to get off the phone when it's your turn to chat or share your thoughts, ideas, problems, etc.

Friendship is a two way street.

Sure, many friendships may be unbalanced.

I know I have friends where they probably listen to me and are there for me WAY more than I am there for them (sorry Michael ;) But then I do that for other friends and so the cycle continues...

And when you compound that with a friend who rarely wants to go out because they are constantly tired, poor and depressed, well, how would you deal with a friendship like that?

And then you get yelled at when you don't invite a friend out to a party on a school night when you know they go to bed at 8pm most nights. Yes, 8pm. Or 9pm. And they bitch about everything so why would you invite them to a party on a school night where there would likely be "no hot guys" for your friend to talk to and then you'd just have to listen to her bitch the whole night about it. No, I chose to take a happier, more cheerful friend to the party. Hmmm. So sue me.

No fun.

And then they defriend ME? Yeah ok.

I am actually happier these days having less friends in my life but not being flaked on and not having to listen to someone else's crap for hours only to have them turn a deaf ear when I need a shoulder to cry on. And not having to be around someone's crummy attitude all the time. Hey, I guess it's a good thing I'm not married, eh? ;)

What do you think?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Why are there so many crazies in LA?

At this point in my life, I've pretty much given up the thought of making any new girlfriends.

Sure, many of the friends I've made over the years, both men and women, have been through the entertainment business.

And lately, it seems, I keep cutting out the women in my life.

They are too flakey, too depressed, too self-absorbed, too crazy or too weird.

It wasn't always this way.

And sure, I still have some great women in my life. And perhaps have made a new friend or two recently - so we'll see.

And yes, those 2 new girlfriends (status pending) do not work in entertainment. And they seem really nice and normal and down to earth.

It's odd but I'm finally coming to terms with and accepting this fact.

It's better to be alone, to have few friends, or even no friends, than to have flakey, self-absorbed, crazy friends.

There are always exceptions to the rule.

Maybe this is just what happens when you get older. In any city.

I shouldn't blame Los Angeles.

I just think that Los Angeles has always attracted strange people.

Like when I spoke at an intern panel at a local university.

The most "normal" students, sad to say it, even at a panel on the entertainment industry, went to talk to the recruiter who was hiring interns in the legal department at the studio.

I got the weirder ones.

Oh well.

It is what it is.

Finding people that care about you. Maybe that's difficult anywhere.

I'd have far less friends somewhere else.

Perhaps at the end of the day it's not at all about quantity but quality. I should be lucky to have 2-3 good friends in Los Angeles. The other 20-30 "friends"? Even though we used to hang out or talk on a regular basis. They get married or move away or just plain lose interest. People move on in their lives.

Maybe it's time for me to do the same.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I've come to a great conclusion

I've come to a great conclusion.

That, at this point in my life, it's going to be very hard to make any new, "normal" friends in LA.

It's sad but true.

Sure, LA isn't exactly a breeding ground for "normal" people.

I mean, people don't move to LA to fall in love and raise a family.

No, they move here to pursue their "dream".

Their dream of being a rock star. Or managing one.

Or writing a screenplay.

Or making a movie.

Etc., etc.

And with the cost of housing, gas, and the extremely HIGH unemployment rate, I fear anyone with any sanity has since gotten married, moved further away (other states, or at least the outskirts of Los Angeles), ya know.

Anyhow, I'm not sure where I went wrong, if anywhere.

Seems I've been focused on my career and all of a sudden, everyone has moved away - or gotten married and had kids.

Ok, not everyone.

But a LOT of people.

I wish I could settle.

I really do.

Because being single in LA, especially these days, is tough.

All my friends are insanely busy working 24/7.

Or not mentally "all there".

And hey, maybe it's hard to keep your sanity in this city.

I mean, my view is of a concrete wall.

Growing up in Connecticut, at least I had a view of trees and grass.

Perhaps you get to a point where you're too old to live in the city...

Where I'll end up in anyone's guess.

For now, it may just be somewhere with an ocean view.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

People need to calm the #$@# down!

Ok, I understand that the economy is in the tank. How do I know things are getting worse and not better? Because Angelinos rarely, if ever, talk about being poor, broke or really anything negative. And lately, I've met new people who, right off the bat, will tell me how they don't have any money.

Yeah no shit.

I mean, we had the perfect storm of problems brewing for years.

As a rule, Americans like to overspend. Credit cards gave us almost unlimited access to nicer-than-we-could-afford vacations, dinners out, clothes, etc. And now all that overspending is catching up with us in a big way.

The real estate bubble, while it certainly has burst (is bursting), created unaffordable housing and rents, especially in 'hot' areas like Southern California. And yet wages for many have remained the same, increased *slightly* or even decreased (thank you recession).....So you do the math - unaffordable housing and flat, stagnant or decreasing wages. Plus increasing prices for everything from food to health care to gas and how is anyone supposed to have any money right now?

Yes, the LA Times reported yesterday that this is the worst recession we've seen in 60 years. 60 years people! To many of us, it feels like a depression.

And despite talk of things getting better, they are in fact, still getting worse. Maybe not as bad as before...but this is the time for the entrepreneur - to be creative in ways to make money in non-traditional ways.

Friends of mine are selling clothing in the Avon/Mary Kay/tupperware fashion. Or doing web design or Internet SEO. Or house sitting, dog walking, selling things on ebay, doing matchmaking, you name it, to survive these days. Good for them! We need more creative businesses right now that meet people's needs - not more corporate jobs.

But my real point to this blog entry is not to complain. Because there is only so much we can do right now.

What we do not need is people freaking the #$@* out.

You sure do see someone's true colors when things get bad.

I've had more people snap at me lately than ever before -- even online on services like facebook. Facebook, yes, the place I go for fun. Maybe I post too much, I don't know, if you don't want to read my facebook updates or for me to comment on your status updates, then you probably should de-friend me right now. I mean, what's the point of a status update if people can't comment on it? Now I try not to comment on people's updates often if I don't know them that well....but oftentimes I feel like saying something, especially if a post was clever, interesting or what not.

Snappy, snappy, snappy.

I guess I shouldn't take it personally.

I've had work contacts basically tell me to "f off" on facebook recently, for no apparent reason. I mean, Jesus, don't lash out at someone, online, in a public forum, without at least giving someone a head's up that you've been pissing them off.

Oh well.

I know everyone's drama has way more to do with their own @#&% than anything I've said or done to them.

But still.

If things are going that badly for you in your personal life, maybe you shouldn't be on a public site like facebook.

Take a deep breath, go for a run, have a beer, sit and watch some TV, hit the beach, read a book, take a yoga class but DO NOT freak the #@^%$ out, especially on me.

I like to consider myself tapped into the news and what's going on online but I also certainly can't be expected to know everything either. People talk about online charities and web sites and technology like it's the alphabet. Hello people. I may spend an hour at night on facebook but that doesn't mean I know that some charity got started for someone's sick child. I'm not God. I'm just a person, trying to survive in a crazy economy in this music business.

'nuff said.

Hope you are well!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

When did everyone get married?

Ok, what happened? It's almost like I took an extra long nap and when I woke up, everyone was married with kids.


I actually have been hitting up all my friends for a set-up. And sadly, no one in LA has a single guy friend to set me up with. How is that possible?

I'm in my 30's, not my 60's. Certainly, there's gotta be one single guy for me in this town.


Friday, June 12, 2009


I miss being a kid.

Remember when your birthday was the most important day? And all your friends would come and celebrate with you? And you'd get tons of presents?

Well, flash forward 30 years and you find that your birthday isn't nearly as important as it once was.

Friends get married, have kids, and barely have time to return your emails or phone calls, let alone attend your birthday party.

It's amazing how many friends forget about you once they get married or into a relationship. They forget that birthdays still matter.

Maybe this post is more about friendship that it is about birthdays.

But the two go together.

After all, you can't have a birthday without friends, right?

I hate to admit this but my mom was right.

Friends come and go.

Most of your friends will not be in your life 5 years from now, much less 10-15 years from now.

If you're the exception to the rule, you're lucky.

I've always been a loyal friend.

I go above and beyond for people.

Yet I don't often or always get the same in return for what I put out.

Are my expectations too high?

People keep telling me they are but I really don't think so.

If I spent 7 hours in a bar for your birthday a couple years ago, silly me, maybe I expect you'll make a big deal out of my birthday, eh? But no...

Or if you choose to have your birthday party at an expensive restaurant, maybe you can return the favor and buy me dinner when it's my birthday.

If I bought you yummy Mexican for your birthday, maybe you could invite me out to yummy Mexican for mine.

I'm not trying to keep score here.

Really I'm not.

But I'm also not made of money so if I go and do these things for friends - the least I would expect is the same in return.

Maybe it's an Asian thing but that's how I was raised.

Tit for tat.

And if that makes my expectations "too high" well then I have a feeling you're the selfish, bad friend, not me.

Oh well.

At least it makes you appreciate the people still in your life.

Like the new friend you made that listens and supports you for an hour on the phone when you're having a bad day.

She almost makes up for all the shitty friends you don't care about anymore.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


A few years ago I spent countless hours writing an article titled "Why do people in LA Flake?"

I suppose flaking isn't synonymous with only Los Angeles. But, I do have a theory that people in LA are generally more flaky than anywhere in the world.

I spent countless hours thinking of theories as to why people flake.

Maybe it's the prevalence of the entertainment industry in LA. Where thousands flock here from small towns all over the country with stars in their eyes. Not the smartest bunches.

Or maybe it's the traffic. Yes, because we have so little public transportation, maybe the lack of it is why people flake. Because driving everywhere sucks. Sometimes it's nice to just sit in a cab or on a bus or subway for a bit. But who takes the bus or subway in LA?

Then I thought it was because of all the cool last minute invites - from movie premieres to concerts. Someone can't make it and suddenly you find yourself with an opportunity to walk the red carpet. Or take in an amazing show. Certainly, I can understand why someone would flake under these circumstances.

But then, just recently, a friend had this startling statement.

"Why should I go somewhere if I don't feel like it?"


Is this really a reason why some people flake?

Holy crap.

I mean, where do I even begin with a statement like that?

Well, let's see, first off, that's an incredibly selfish statement to think let alone make let alone actually live out.

I mean, I'm an only child so yeah, I'm probably used to getting my way more than most. But Jesus.

Ok, the issue here is of respect. Because you make a plan with a business associate or friend. And that person blocks out time in their day for you. Time they could spend lunching, dining, drinking, or hanging out with another friend. Or doing something else fun. Like going to a concert or a movie. Or going for a walk or run. Or playing golf or a game of tennis. Or hitting the gym. Or going on an African safari. Or walking their dog.

I think you get my point.

Anyhow, by blocking off time or "setting a date and time" to hang out with someone, you are taking up time in their day that they might otherwise use for someone or something else.

So when you flake on them, especially hours or minutes before you're supposed to get together (and you're not lying in a ditch by the side of the road or vomiting from food poisoning) what you're really saying to the person is, "Person, I really don't value your friendship and I rather do something else tonight even though that completely f's up your day, afternoon, evening, etc."

Then, there is something called "keeping your word."

Where I come from, the east coast, when you say you're going to be somewhere at a certain time, you're there. Sure, we all hit ridiculous traffic or what not, but we're still there to meet someone.

So when you make plans, especially with a friend, by flaking and simply not going at the last minute - or even day of - that really sends the message that you are not a trustworthy person. You are a flake. You can't be counted on to follow through with what you say.

And in LA, who needs to mistrust anyone any more than they already do?

Sure, we all have our busy lives and priorities. And I am a lot more forgiving of a friend that is say, a single parent, who flakes, than someone who is just single. Because I can barely take care of myself some days so caring for another human being 24/7 is something that must be immensely stressful, especially in LA where you have to drive frickin' everywhere.

Anyhow, that's just my .02 for what it's worth.

I'm not perfect. I'm not saying I am.

But how often do you flake?

5% of the time?

I'd say any of the last 4 are completely unacceptable.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Please comment on my posts!!

Ok, so I had to temporarily restrict people posting to my blog because I had some crazy person posting anonymous comments and I had to block them. But, they are gone now! So if you are a reader of my blog and have a google account, you should be able to post!!

And please do.

Otherwise I feel like I'm typing into thin air!

Which is fine.

But it's way more fun when I know others are reading and responding!

Anyhow, thanks for those of you that emailed me to tell me you're reading my blog! So sweet and it's nice to hear. So a shout out to Jenn and Todd - :)

More soon!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Job hunting tips

I am psyched that a few of my friends recently landed jobs. Of course, I still have quite a few looking!

A few thoughts / job tips came to mind as a result that I wanted to share...

Here are some tips:

1) Obviously "who you know" is incredibly important. Knowing someone can get you a job interview stat! So definitely ask everyone you know if you see a job you want to apply to but don't have a direct contact at the company.

2) Also, ask every single friend and family member and contact you have if they know anyone in (insert your field here). LA is a small city in many ways. Chances are someone you know can get your resume forwarded...

3) Don't ignore online ads - you should still submit your resume online for any jobs you are perfect for. Tailor your resume AND cover letter to each job to maximize your chances of being called in.

4) Don't take it personally if you aren't contacted for an interview, especially if it's from a blind online submission - they get hundreds or thousands of resumes and it's easy for a "perfect" one to fall through the cracks. I also know a few recruiters who are just slammed with resumes these days - hundreds for each job post. So don't get down or take it personally if you don't hear back. Just say "next" and keep going!

5) Don't rely on only posted jobs for job hunting. If you're in a specific industry, read the trades and use Google to find contacts at that company. i.e. if you want a marketing job at a studio, look up the heads of marketing online or in a directory and submit to them directly through email or mail. Hey, you might even pick up the phone and cold call - it can't hurt! When I worked for a production company years ago, we got calls every day by freelancers looking for their next gig. I bet those freelancers called 100 companies a day -- but I bet you those people got hired compared to others who just mailed or emailed resumes out...

6) Use your college alumni database and network. I got a job interview when I first moved out here because I blindly mailed out hundreds of resumes - but one of the interviewers called me in because we had gone to the same college (and I didn't even know it - ah, it's a numbers game)! Use all your resources. Many colleges give you online access to databases of their alumni. You can also search university alumni on facebook and myspace - where I discovered a former classmate does casting at WB and another does A&R at a major label - who knew! I also had a friend who used her USC alumni book to contact a lawyer who had also gone to the same graduate film school program as she did - and there was no job open at his small firm - but she convinced him to hire her to do legal work - so never underestimate the power of persuasion, especially the female kind ;)

7) Follow-up. Artists do this with me all the time. If you email someone you personally know or have worked with and don't hear back, email that personal contact again. Always be polite and professional, i.e. "Have you had a chance to review my resume" goes a lot further than "Why haven't you gotten back to me?" I also forward the original email and include a new email note at the top so they can see I've emailed them before. If after 3-4 attempts you haven't heard back, it's probably a good idea not to go overboard but some people are just BUSY and that's why they aren't responding. Don't assume it's because they are ignoring you....

8) Don't rely on email alone. If you know someone and they haven't responded, either send them another email "hey it's me, just checking in again" or pick up the phone! I don't know about you but on a busy day I can get 100 or more emails and sometimes emails just slip through the cracks, especially if someone is busy or traveling, etc. But I only receive a handful of a calls a day, by comparison, and sometimes I even answer my own phone ;)

9) Keep a positive attitude. Yes, I've heard it's rough out there - but I also have had many friends get hired recently. Sure, some of them are in more of tech fields but believe me, your negative attitude will come across in an email or cover letter - or on the phone and in person. STAY POSITIVE no matter what. Go for a walk, bike ride, run, or hit the gym or yoga if you need to get out any negative energy. Go for a hike. Kick boxing. Anything!

10) Use all your resources. If I were looking for a job, I would be looking through all my friend's contacts on linked in - and emailing friends saying, "Hey, I notice you have a friend at XYZ company, can you forward this cover letter and resume to them"? Don't expect anyone will do the work for you and offer up all their contacts. It's your job to find out who you want to connect with and THEN ask for the hook up!

11) If it's been a long time and you feel like you aren't getting anywhere, consider a) going back to school to learn a new skill - from nursing to accounting or teaching - any field that is more in demand than what you're doing now b) starting your own business and/or blog about your industry - lots of companies may have downsized but they still may need someone to do X job and may just outsource to you to save $$ - contact your old company's clients and see if they will hire you directly c) move to a cheaper place / area / city / state and/or cut out any unnecessary items to cut down on your monthly expenses. I'm amazed at people who are "broke" but they still manage to pay for their Blackberry each month...I'm just saying...

Hope that helps!

Got any other tips to share?

Did you miss me?

I was on such a roll with posts.

But then I stopped...because after 5-10 posts with no comments from you guys, I was sorta wondering, "is this thing on?"

Ok, so Michael is such a good friend of mine - he actually emailed me last week to say, "hey, you need to update your blog!"

Which is super cool. Because I see Michael once a week and he pretty much knows what's going on in my life at all times! So if anyone probably doesn't need to read my blog, it's him. Oh Michael, what a truly good friend you are! Now where's your blog so I can return the favor?

Anyhow, so let's see.

What to blog about.

Well, I was in Florida for a week. That was fun. I could tell you all about how guys in Florida are nice and police (and buy you drinks!) and how Miami has the most amazing beaches I've seen - outside of Hawaii and the Caribbean - definitely the nicest water that I've seen attached to U.S. land!

Hmm, I guess a blog is one of those things, much like a diary, that is easier to write in / on when things aren't going well. I guess that's why some songwriters I know constantly force themselves into a state of melancholy simply so they'll have material for their next tune. Er, sadly, neither artist I know that did this ever became successful. So perhaps the real "trick" is to be happy and write songs, maybe pretending to be sad, instead of forcing yourself into sadness just to write songs.

Anyhow, I digress.

I have no idea who is reading this besides Michael. Oh I have 21 "followers" and goodness knows how many millions of unregistered "lurkers" reading this. So I won't be posting my social security number on here anytime soon.

Let's see. Outside of having a breakdown right before vacation, I guess things are ok. I worry about and stress out about money way too much. And I can't help but think that isn't very healthy. I mean, did our ancestors worry about how to pay their rent or cell phone bill inbetween hunting for wild boar and gathering berries?

I think not.

In fact, much of my life these days consists of figuring out ways to escape the concrete confines of Los Angeles.

Some years ago, somebody told me LA was just a "concrete jungle" and while I never really noticed it then, for some reason, lately, it's hit me.

Yes, we need trees.

My apartment, sadly, like many in this city, overlooks nothing but grey concrete.

I grew up in Connecticut. And while the weather is sucky beyond belief, it was at least nice to look outside at hibernating trees and snow in the dead of winter than grey slabs of concrete. I'm pretty sure my state of mind would be improved if I had a view of a lake, the ocean or some trees / a park, ya know? I guess that's why all those NYC apartments overlooking Central Park go for so much!

Anyhoo, sorry this is a rather long blog.

And a bit egocentric, sorry.

But in case you're wondering what's new with me, here's a summary:

Er, cat has hyperthyroidism. She needs drugs.
Vacations are good :)
Putting out my first CD. Ha ha I bet you didn't know I could sing ;)
I hate Time Warner Cable more than I thought possible.
Am I the only one on facebook without my baby's photo as a profile picture?
Is anyone really happy?
Why can't cars drive themselves?
How can there be a Baskin Robbins in Beverly Hills that I've never noticed?

How about you?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Good things about being in a recession

Ok, so there's been far too much griping and ranting on my blog.

New topic.

You know, I've been thinking lately about all the good things about the recession.

I know, many people have lost their jobs, their 401K's, their pride.

But there are *some* benefits to the downturn in the economy.

And here I am to point them out:

1. Parking. Before the economy tanked, parking in Los Angeles was an absolute nightmare. However, because everyone is broke, I can now go out on a Friday night and find street parking on Sunset. Parking lots rarely charge $15-20 on the Strip like they used to. And in general, finding parking in previously impossible parking areas (like Santa Monica, near the Promenade) has now become easy. I was near 3rd Street a few weeks ago on a Saturday around 3 or 4pm. I found a broken meter right across the sreeet from the promenade without any effort! Yay!

2. Sales. I just got an email today with many flights from LA to Sydney, Australia for <$400 each way. That's incredible! Anyone want to go to Australia with me? Flights are going for unheard of rates right now. Hotels are also super cheap! Now is definitely the time to travel if you have the time and the money!

3. Getting back to basics. I spent the last Saturday evening at a girlfriend's house just making dinner and watching a movie. Ok, so I didn't make dinner, she did, but still, it was just as much fun as going out to a restaurant and was nice to just kick back at a friend's house and instead of dealing with parking and people at a restaurant.

4. Time. My friends were so crazed these past few years that I rarely saw them. Now with friends being laid off or cutting back their work schedules, I've been able to catch up with friends over the phone that I haven't talked to in AGES and seen friends that had previously been too busy working 24/7 before.

5. Traffic. In LA, we spend so much time in our cars. And the traffic on the west side had become particularly unbearable. However, lately I've noticed that even rush hour traffic has noticeably decreased. LA driving has almost become tolerable again! Woot woot!!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Women and sensitivity

I had this job years ago.

I had to ask this woman for a report for my boss.

My boss ran the company.

I asked nicely, "Hey, can you give me that report? We really need it."

No report.

I asked again, "Hey, you know we really need that report! Can you get it to me ASAP?"

No report.

She genuinely seemed annoyed I kept asking for this report, even though the head of the company needed it. Stupid girl, she had no concept of the "big picture" and that everyone needs to submit their reports so the head of the company could keep the company running with their information.

Anyhow, after the third time of asking, I was a bit more pushy, "I need that!!"

Well, I got the report.

And called into my bosses office for not being "sensitive" enough.


And I know it was a woman who "reported" me since she was the only one I had to chase down for the report.

And now, almost 10 years later, I'm confronted with more and more women, girlfriends who are extremely sensitive.

I get it.

A lot women are insecure.

They think their thighs are fat or their boobs are too small or they need to lose weight or their 'body part' was 'adjective'....

And while that may be solely annoying to their boyfriends and such, it also can turn into a major problem when they get older.

I think I understand why people get married now.

Sure, some women and some men just really want kids.

But maybe they also want an excuse to stay away from all the crazy women in LA.

I have exgirlfriends now. And for a reason. They have major issues.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Now I see why people are single

I had this friend.

I thought she was a pretty cool girl.

Let's call her Jessica.

Jessica was great. Fun, upbeat, positive. Would go out of her way for you.

Then I realized, like so many of my single friends, she has an Achilles heel.

Her date offended her. Fine, maybe he was a jerk. But then we go to a bar and some random stranger offends her. Does she walk away? Say something? No, but she's offended, offended, offended.

Then the final straw came.

I criticized an event she held and ppoooff all hell broke loose.

I hate to say it but for some of my single "friends" there is a very good reason they are single.

They have issues.

Or at least one issue that prevents them from finding a girl or finding a guy. Or maintaining a relationship or friendship.

I'll admit it. I'm at fault too. I'm too picky. No one is perfect.

But man, it's not only hard to find a "normal" boyfriend or girlfriend in LA - but as a woman, finding a sane single girlfriend in your 30's? Close to impossible.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Who cares about my blog? Or your blog? Well, hopefully your friends do.

I've read a few posts and had friends say, "Why should I care about a blog my friend writes?"

And sure, while a lot of bloggers use their blog as simply an online journal, I think that's exactly the point.

If you care about someone, you may want to peer inside their world and see what they are eating for breakfast or what's on their mind.

Ok, maybe not the breakfast part but I'd curious about what my friends are up to!

I mean, if no one cared, well, would facebook be so popular? And twitter? And those facebook status update / what's on your mind things?

Sure, there are probably only a handful of people in our lives that we want to follow on a regular basis.

Let's face it. If it's one thing that I've learned from facebook lately it's that rock stars lives are and can be just as dull as ours.

We assume everyone is up to fascinating things - yet facebook brings everyone "down" to the same level as that CEO of that company or your idol may indeed just be eating oatmeal for breakfast and watching TV at night. Humph.

Anyhow, I don't expect a casual friend to care about my blog. Blog reading and writing isn't for everyone.

I guess I'm just blessed to have more free time than most of my friends who work 9-5 jobs. Ah, the benefits of being self-employed.

And I also love writing.

And reading my friend's blogs.

In fact, I wish more of my friends had blogs.

So if you don't care what I'm up to, don't read this.

We probably aren't that good friends anyway ;)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The @#$#@'d up economy - how did we get here?

For anyone that knows me well, it's no secret that I love reading and talking about the housing market.

And with the economy in shambles, I have to ask myself, "How did we get here?"

Why is everyone struggling?

Sure, if you lose your job, that's a hardship whether you're making 6 figures or minimum wage. We all have bills to pay and it's tough to pay your rent or mortgage without an income.

However, the bigger problem is really the housing bubble.


It's not just that banks and investors are losing their shirts because of speculation in the housing market.

Because the cost of real estate rose so rapidly the past 5-6 years, we are all now paying the price.


Because your house or condo isn't worth double, triple, or quadruple what you paid for it 2-4 or even 5 years ago.

And now every American is paying for their neighbor's greed and lack of math skills.

Say, for example, the average American household makes $46K a year. I'm not sure what the average salary is but that sounds about right according to the 2005 census.

How can that household afford an increase in rent from say $700 - 10 years ago to $1000 or $1200 now? Simply put, they can't.

I mean, most people I know are making the same or less money than they were 5-10 years ago and even if you get a raise, how many of us are making 35-50% more to cover the increase in housing costs?

It's no wonder housing prices are tanking.

It's supply and demand working its magic and as more people lose their jobs, rent prices will continue to come down. And housing prices in general will have to come down to sane levels.

I don't care how many things you cut out - cell phone, cable tv, eating out, vacations, etc. I think you could cut out all those "luxuries" and still be screwed financially because housing prices are still way out of whack.

So thanks to Alan Greenspan and George Bush and all the greedy mortgage brokers and banks and lenders. And thanks to anyone who bought real estate as an "investment" in the past few years.

Hold on to your hats, ladies & gentlemen.

We're in for a bumpy ride!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Life isn't fair a.k.a. "Why am I still single"? Can anyone out there relate?

I went to see Iliza Shlesinger a few weeks ago. (She's the comedian that won last season's "Last Comic Standing").

Anyhow, her routine was pretty funny.

But the best part was where she said, "Dating is tough in every city, every place. Trust me, it's not the city you're in, it's YOU."

Hmm, is that true?


I mean, having lived on both the east coast and the west coast I can certainly attest to this fact.

When I dated in Connecticut, it was difficult because it's a small state. There just weren't very many available single men in their 20's to chose from. I was convinced that every guy in Connecticut was either 1) in high school or college, or 2) in their 30's and already married and with kids.


Because if you're 20 something, you probably want to live in either 1) a city where there are a lot more young people and a variety of things to do 2) a city or town where it's cheaper to live.

Connecticut isn't the cheapest place to live, that's for sure.

Then I dated in New York City. A lot. The largest city in all the 50 states, you certainly can't live here and complain there is no one to date or go out with. I dated everyone from teachers who taught in public schools to guys who just moved to the city from Kentucky. I think I had my first bourbon or some other god awful liquor from that date. All the men I met were gentlemen and every single one took me out to dinner on our first date (or lunch) except I think the Kentucky guy who must have taken me out for drinks.

Anyhow, then I moved to Los Angeles.

"Great," I thought to myself. "All these good looking, single guys to choose from".

Ha ha.

If I knew then, what I know now.

Yeah, there are TONS of great looking guys in LA because they are all unemployed actors. Ok, not all of them. But many of them.

I think after my 5th date in Los Angeles, I gave up.

Not physically gave up dating.

But emotionally? Maybe...

I finally met a guy who offered to buy me dinner on our first date.

Before "Ben" let's call him, I had a series of cheapie coffee and drink first dates and I'm not even sure if they always paid but I think they might have? It was a long time ago...

So we went for Thai food at "Toi Sunset". A bit of a shady part of town 10 years ago but I was so impressed at this guy's class for taking me out to dinner, even if it was cheap Thai.

Anyhow, I was impressed with my date. He was just as cute in person as he was in his photo. Of course, 2 hours later, when he started comparing the women he dated on a scale of "1 to 10" I knew something had gone horribly wrong.

Sure, at this point, we obviously 1) had determined we weren't a love match 2) were comfortable enough with each other to talk about our ex's....or at least he was.

But still, technically, we're on our first date, and I'm thinking to myself, "He's comparing women to numbers".

And the worst part was, the whole dinner conversation was about this ex he dated when he lived in New Jersey who was a 9, but he broke up with her because he wanted, he deserved, he should have a 10. Right? I mean, he was a good looking guy, I'll grant you that, but he wasn't exactly Brad Pitt either.

And really?

You broke up with a 9... and regret it now because you've dated a 10 and discovered she wasn't "all that"... but now you can't get back the 9 that you might still be in love with... or even an 8 and you're telling me this while technically we're still on a date and the bill hasn't even been paid yet....

Anyhow, no damage to my self-esteem, the guy was an actor and obviously had some *major* issues...but still.

After that experience, I pretty much gave up hope for finding a nice, smart, honest, sane guy in this city.

So why am I single?

I don't know.

It's not for lack of trying.

And lord knows, I've never been one of those people who could date just to date...if the chemistry isn't there, I just can't pretend....

So I sit here, watching as more and more of my friends and people in my life couple off.

And a lot of them are not any more attractive, sane or fun than I am (and no, I'm not talking about you if you're reading this). Ha ha.

So why am I single?

I don't know.

Too picky perhaps?

As Iliza would say, it's not Los Angeles.

So it must be me....

What is up with this week?

Normally I'm in a pretty good mood.

But this week has been different.

I suppose that should come as no surprise when the Dow falls below 7,000 - the lowest point since 1997.

The job market in los angeles is pretty bad.

I know at least a half a dozen or dozen friends out of work and each week I hear of a new one.

The good news is that people are finding jobs. So all hope is not lost.

But I think that anyone who had a corporate job, especially a well-paying one, may find that those well paying, corporate jobs just simply don't exist anymore.

Time to read "Who Moved My Cheese" (even though I personally hated that book) and consider a new career altogether.

A friend of mine had a good story.

She had been trying to sell this fancy Kitchenaid mixer for a while. Finally, she sold it on Craigslist to someone who had been downsized i.e. fired from their job at Clear Channel and was using the mixer to start a catering business.

If that isn't a complete 180, I don't know what is!

Of course, that's easier said than done, right?

Not everyone can drop their corporate job and start catering.

Or can they?

I mean, if you have to do something, you might as well do something you love.

Anyhow, back to my original point.

I'm not sure what's in the water this week.

I had a good friend get mad at me for simply giving my ideas and opinion. Sure, no one likes criticism but you have to accept in life that people are going to give you feedback and not to take it personally, especially if the feedback is nothing about you.

Hey, I had a party a couple months ago and one of my friends complained that I needed more chairs so she didn't have to sit on the floor. Duly noted. It's not an attack on me but feedback that I can use for future parties. (Personally, I don't mind sitting on the floor, as long as it's clean and my back isn't bothering me).

Anyhow, I suppose I should expect a weird week when the Dow falls to a new low, friends are out of work, housing prices are still insanely high and it rained.

Tomorrow will be a better day!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Argh - is there anyone sane in LA?

I really am amazed at the lack of sanity in LA.

Sure, LA has a bad rep for the "crazies" but it seems to be getting progressively worse each year that I'm here.

Maybe it started with the housing boom and as rent prices and real estate prices went up, so left more and more of my friends with kids (or friends with a kid) as of course it makes sense to live somewhere cleaner, safer, and cheaper than LA if you have little ones.

So now I fear that LA is just the way it is and it will never get better.

It's declined the past 3-5 years I'd say and while I keep sticking it out here hoping things will recover, will they?

I'd like to think so.

The optimistic in me says, "yeah, stick it out".

But somewhere in my heart I fear the truth is LA will never go back to the way it was. The great days of the late 90's when everyone here was happy, making good money and the energy was good.

Is it time to plan my escape?


You may see my next post from somewhere unexpected...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Angry people

I was talking to my good friend Michael this weekend and I commented to him that a lot of my friends seem to be angry.

Not angry at me.

But angry.

Leave it to Michael to come up with incredible insight into human nature.

"Oh a LOT of people have inner anger issues," he said.

Wow, "really?" I replied.

I never realized it before.

I thought it was just me....

But it makes sense.

We come into this world full of joy and life comes at us, sometimes changing our wholesome and pure and optimistic view. It can turn some of us bitter and angry. Many of us in fact.

What causes us to go from happy-go-lucky to bitter and angry?

Maybe over a failed relationship. Or two. Or twenty.

Maybe because we weren't born into a wealthy family so we have to bust our ass every day just to feed ourselves and put a roof over our head. Some people have an odd chip on their shoulder about that.

Maybe because we had a bad experience with a boss or co-worker.

Maybe a business deal went south.

Or someone in business stole from us. Or lied to us. Or otherwise treated us badly.

Maybe we we were laid off or fired from a job through no fault of our own.

Maybe we hate our job.

Maybe it's just part of some people's personalities to be angry.

But as I thought about it, I was just amazed at how true Michael's statement is.

And you know the worst part? A lot of these friends of mine may not even realize they are bitter or angry!

I know I haven't been "myself" the past couple years. And I know what that was. I had a horrible experience with a band I represented. I worked my ass off for them and at the end of it all, they screwed me over. So much for rewarding those that help you out and sacrifice life and limb for you.

Still, it does NO good to hang onto this bitterness and anger. Yet, letting is go is a real process. One that can take weeks. Or months. Or in my case, years. And I'm still not 100% there yet. It's a bit like your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend cheating on you - and for no good reason. You were the perfect spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend yet something bad still happened to you. It's a hard lesson to learn that in life, you can be a GOOD person and do everything right and still get hurt by someone. It makes no sense. I guess that is just life and part of life's lessons.

But, you know, as much as I know some of that bitterness and anger in me may never go away, I know that karma takes care of good people and bad people and "what goes around" truly DOES come around.

Somewhere I read that anyone that is angry is covering up for hurt. And I think, if you look closely at anyone in your life that is bitter or angry, that is often the case.

I wish more people were self-aware. Aware that their negative attitude turns people off.

I know changing yourself can be a difficult, if not impossible task.

At least listen to what you say when you're with your friends -- and if you find yourself complaining about things more often than not, you can at least begin the process to heal.