Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Help! Dating Is Hard!!!

Please, someone help me!

My dating life seems to be cursed and I don't know why.

Case in point - I just saw a guy I went out on a few dates with 2 months ago from Trader Joe's - now on OK Cupid looking for casual sex.  Yeah.

He came up to me 2 months ago in a Trader Joe's parking lot, after having smiled at me inside the store in the produce section (no joke)!

As I was putting my shopping cart away near my car, he came up to me and said, "I'm the guy from Trader Joe's and I find you very attractive.  Can I get your number?"

Now, normally I don't just give my number willy-nilly to random guys in Trader Joe's parking lots (especially ones that follow me to my car).  But he seemed nice enough.  He was a bit short and didn't seem like a serial killer or anything.  So, I asked him a few questions, ya know, to make sure he wasn't really on the FBI's "Most Wanted" list or something.  He seemed fine so I gave him my digits.

We went out a few times and he just seemed SO into me.

"How flattering," I though to myself.  After all, it's one thing to meet a guy online or in a bar...but being approached in a grocery store (or outside of one) - isn't that every girl's fantasy?  "Just meet a single guy in the produce section of a grocery store," they say. Don't they?

Early on, I sent him a facebook friends request.  He never accepted it.  "Maybe he doesn't check facebook that often or live on there like I do," I thought to myself.

But when I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks, I figured he'd moved on.  Fine.  But I asked him how LA was when I was out of town and he says, "I don't know...I'm not there."

"Where are you?" I asked.

"In France," he replies.

FRANCE???!!!!???  WTF is he doing in France?  That's not exactly a weekend getaway from Los Angeles.

Then I remembered he had an ex girlfriend of 7 years who was French.  So I replied, "Oh, off visiting the ex in Paris, are we?"

And he replies, "Yeah, something like that."

Well, after a few more emails back and forth I find out, he's not just in France on vacation. Or visiting his ex.  He has a BABY with his ex that lives in France and he's there visiting his son!  For 6 weeks.  Ok, no biggie, but WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME YOU HAD A BABY WITH YOUR FRENCH EX-GIRLFRIEND AND THAT THEY BOTH LIVE IN FRANCE?!!??

Ok, maybe I'm guilty.  Of giving guys the benefit of the doubt.  But, I seem to attract this type of "man" a lot.

The homeless guy on the corner who asks for your number?

You say no.

The really drunk guy at the bar who tells you he's slept with hundreds of women - in that very bar's bathroom?

You say no.

But at some point, you have to say yes to *someone* right?

Otherwise, you'll be single forever.

So, I took a chance on "Trader Joe's guy."

And we went out a few times and then I had to go out of town.  For awhile.  I was sure I was moving out of state and he was SO SAD!  He texted me incessantly while I was still in town - for days and weeks.  He kept texting me after I left!?!  He told me how before I left he "really wanted things to work out."

Flash forward a couple months.

Sure, we aren't "together" or anything.

But I just saw him on OkCupid....and his ad is just "sex sex sex" and that section where it says, "What are you looking for?" he answers, "casual sex."  Not "for new friends" AND "casual sex" or "short-term dating" or "long-term dating" AND "casual sex" or even any combination of those things....just casual sex.

Five minutes after I see this ad, he texts me...and says that he just saw me online.

I text him back, saying, "Yeah, how's that CASUAL SEX ad working out for ya?"

No response...

You know.  I'm an atheist.  But this latest dating catastrophe just reminds me that:

1.  There probably is a God.
2.  He's F*cking with me.

So, what's the solution to this dating problem?

Don't go out with guys you meet in Trader Joe's?

No, that can't be right.

It's not a big deal that he's on OkCupid.  Or that he's looking for "casual sex."  Or that he's on Ok Cupid looking for casual sex.

What always gets me is the lengths a guy will go to to pretend he's "the one" or "really serious about you" when he's really just a player or a jerk - but thank goodness for the Internet because on OkCupid, at least his TRUE intentions are out there, in plain sight.

I swear, these days, I meet better quality guys in a bar than online.

Online seems to now be a way for guys to scam on as many women as they can.

Why sit in a bar, nursing a beer, hoping for a cute, single woman to walk in when you can spend 10 minutes online and spam, I mean, email dozens of women in one swoop!


Just a few days ago I was texting with another guy I met on OKCupid.  He was cute, French and a tech guy!!!?? and as soon as I mentioned my love of "Star Wars" he freaked out!  He said he liked my name and was so impressed that I was a geek too!

Where do I die and go to heaven?

We were only texting for a few days but all was good.

Then, one text chat at one in the afternoon, he asked me where I worked?

I replied, "sometimes from the dining room table," and he made a sex joke, saying, "Are we still talking about work here? ;)"

"Ok, a bit inappropriate but perfectly harmless," I thought to myself.

Well, later that night I checked my OkCupid account and saw his profile wasn't there anymore!!?

"That's odd," I thought to myself.  "He was just on here yesterday."

I texted him and asked, "What happened to your profile?"

He replied, "Oh, I took it down.  I wanted to focus on getting to know you!"

"Awww, how sweet," I though to myself.  "But really, I want to know," I asked him, "why did you take down your ad?" since I wasn't born yesterday.

"I was getting too many emails," came his reply.  "Like 300 a week."

"No way!" I thought.  No one gets 300 emails a week, especially not guys!  "Maybe this is why I'm single, though," I thought.  "Maybe guys really DO get a lot of emails!"

More emails were exchanged and I just realized he was a player and a jerk and probably got himself kicked off OkCupid.  I'm no one deletes their online dating profile until they get serious with someone...or engaged!

Maybe I'm not seeing the signs here.

After all, a guy who approaches you in a parking lot and tells you he finds you "very attractive" isn't really looking for a long-term relationship, right?

But man, I swear, these lame-o guys seem to flock to me like I'm a tall glass of water in the desert.

I give up.

No comments: