Has anyone "defriended" you on facebook?

Ha, so in my continuing saga of crazy people in LA, I noticed that 2 of my ex-friends have defriended me on facebook. Actually, 1 on facebook and one on facebook & twitter.

Wow.

Anyhow, I find it amusing and a bit ironic that the person that went crazy, yelling at ME for no reason, would defriend me. Wow, really? I believe that's what we call "delusional". Why is it that when you try to help someone, you're the one that somehow ends up feeling like they did something wrong? Oh yeah. Because "friends" in the entertainment business know the lame trick of "pass the blame" to escape responsibility when they dropped the ball. Oooh that's so clever. I'm at fault and a bad person because you f'd up. Riiiight....anyhow, back to reality....

And the other ex-friend?

Well, she might have more of a reason to be pissed.

Sure, not too long ago we were such good friends that we went on vacation together. Hell, she took the photo that is my facebook profile photo...and while on vacation, she was super sweet and amazing. But that was while we were out of LA and I was a guest on vacation in her home state.

What I just couldn't deal with anymore was the constant reminder than any conversation we had was 95% about her and 5% about me. Yeah, sweetie, friendships are 2 way streets. And really, I don't mind listening to you talk a lot. I talk a lot to other friends so I figure it all balances out!

Yet what I DO mind is when I listen to someone talk for hours and then they suddenly have to get off the phone when it's your turn to chat or share your thoughts, ideas, problems, etc.

Friendship is a two way street.

Sure, many friendships may be unbalanced.

I know I have friends where they probably listen to me and are there for me WAY more than I am there for them (sorry Michael ;) But then I do that for other friends and so the cycle continues...

And when you compound that with a friend who rarely wants to go out because they are constantly tired, poor and depressed, well, how would you deal with a friendship like that?

And then you get yelled at when you don't invite a friend out to a party on a school night when you know they go to bed at 8pm most nights. Yes, 8pm. Or 9pm. And they bitch about everything so why would you invite them to a party on a school night where there would likely be "no hot guys" for your friend to talk to and then you'd just have to listen to her bitch the whole night about it. No, I chose to take a happier, more cheerful friend to the party. Hmmm. So sue me.

No fun.

And then they defriend ME? Yeah ok.

I am actually happier these days having less friends in my life but not being flaked on and not having to listen to someone else's crap for hours only to have them turn a deaf ear when I need a shoulder to cry on. And not having to be around someone's crummy attitude all the time. Hey, I guess it's a good thing I'm not married, eh? ;)

What do you think?

Birthdays

I miss being a kid.

Remember when your birthday was the most important day? And all your friends would come and celebrate with you? And you'd get tons of presents?

Well, flash forward 30 years and you find that your birthday isn't nearly as important as it once was.

Friends get married, have kids, and barely have time to return your emails or phone calls, let alone attend your birthday party.

It's amazing how many friends forget about you once they get married or into a relationship. They forget that birthdays still matter.

Maybe this post is more about friendship that it is about birthdays.

But the two go together.

After all, you can't have a birthday without friends, right?

I hate to admit this but my mom was right.

Friends come and go.

Most of your friends will not be in your life 5 years from now, much less 10-15 years from now.

If you're the exception to the rule, you're lucky.

I've always been a loyal friend.

I go above and beyond for people.

Yet I don't often or always get the same in return for what I put out.

Are my expectations too high?

People keep telling me they are but I really don't think so.

If I spent 7 hours in a bar for your birthday a couple years ago, silly me, maybe I expect you'll make a big deal out of my birthday, eh? But no...

Or if you choose to have your birthday party at an expensive restaurant, maybe you can return the favor and buy me dinner when it's my birthday.

If I bought you yummy Mexican for your birthday, maybe you could invite me out to yummy Mexican for mine.

I'm not trying to keep score here.

Really I'm not.

But I'm also not made of money so if I go and do these things for friends - the least I would expect is the same in return.

Maybe it's an Asian thing but that's how I was raised.

Tit for tat.

And if that makes my expectations "too high" well then I have a feeling you're the selfish, bad friend, not me.

Oh well.

At least it makes you appreciate the people still in your life.

Like the new friend you made that listens and supports you for an hour on the phone when you're having a bad day.

She almost makes up for all the shitty friends you don't care about anymore.

Is there "normal" in LA?

Some days I'm really amazed that I've survived in LA this long.

Why?

Because so many people here are crazy.

Not straight jacket crazy.

More like "just not quite right" crazy.

Sure, people are all unique. Different. Everyone has their quirks.

And perhaps "normal" is boring.

I have "normal" relatives. They are all married, with regular jobs, kids or no kids but just normal, everyday folks.

Not in LA.

Almost everyone I know is weird, quirky, odd, "a bit off" or something like that.

Why is it is so hard to find a nice group of "normal" friends?

I don't mean I need a group of friends that are doctors, lawyers, dentists and accountants. On the contrary, I love that I have a diverse group of friends that work in every field from entertainment to accounting.

However, since I seem to meet the most people through the entertainment business, finding a group of normal friends can be challenging.

What I would give to make friends that aren't white trash, angry, have a horribly negative attitude about life, or what not.

You are the company you keep - isn't that what they say?

So is it me?

Or are there just slim pickings in LA these days?

After all, in a city where you need to plunk down a half a million dollars to buy a house way out in the valley, who can afford to live here? Only the super wealthy or the super insane. I guess I know more of the later than the former....

Friends in LA

So I had a rather tough dialogue with a friend yesterday.

She was all upset that I wasn't attending her birthday party.

And you know, I understand that birthdays are SUPER important to some people, especially women. I always figure the friends that make it a point to attend my birthday party are friends that think their birthdays are important (most of the time) so I do my best to attend theirs.

However, it was shocking to me that someone I never talk to on the phone or email about deeply personal things (as you do with really close friends) would be so upset with me. Because I was an awesome friend to her (helping her with job leads when she was out of work, lending a cheerful and encouraging ear when she was out of work, giving her lots of dating advice) would have the audacity to call me out and be "hurt and offended" simply because I wasn't going to her birthday party, even though I offered to take her out some other time and even though I know none of her friends and her birthday party isn't even just hers but with another friend she has that I don't know, and despite the fact that I hate karaoke with a passion.

So it begs the question - are you obligated to go to someone's birthday party just because they are your friend?

I think for close friends, absolutely, at least if their birthday is important to them.

But for someone you barely know? I think not.

The issue really was that while I was a great friend to her, I don't think I got the same back from her. It's nothing against her, just that I feel like I gave a LOT to her in our friendship and didn't really get much back. So to me, that entitles me to be perhaps a bit selfish, and beg out of some big dinner where I won't know a soul and karaoke, that I absolutely hate. Listen, I listen to enough bad music for a living - the last thing I want to do for "fun" is listen to more bad singing ...and to pay for the privilege.

Anyhow, sadly, that friendship has come to an end.

And it makes me wonder if I need to be a bit more selective/selfish when it comes to my friendships.

Because I was such a good friend, I am expected to do EVERYTHING right and perfectly, even when it's something I simply don't want to do.

That hardly seems fair.

Oh well.

I'm sure there are more sane and stable women in LA that I can make friends with.